Swim Jeans 👖
Pilot. Mancub. Liar. 🍸🤘
header by the great Marf Salvador
avi by @frovo.bsky.social
He/Him
👉: https://bsky.app/profile/did:plc:bmvl67povgevf645aj6vfpje/feed/aaab5d3sxupgm
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- “Thank you for your attention to this matter.” - physics professors
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- found out laminate was cheaper than wood. i was floored . folks,,,
- let’s just turn the internet off for a bit and see where it takes us
- ME: hi i’m here for literal club WORKER: *holding clipboard* what is your name ME: no it isn't
- Why couldn’t you have told me I’m the River Spirit Kohaku before I bought all these spatulas.
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- My winter blubber layer is coming in nicely.
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- Monday: *exists* Me: Every week with this fucking guy.
- I respect the Patriots, but their fans are annoying. Which is basically how I feel about Jesus
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- Always keep the wheel of your dreams turning, the only cage is you 🏆👑 Congratulations @shortsleevesuit.bsky.social from @sophiafhc.bsky.social
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- TEARS FOR FEARS: I wanted to be with you alone and talk about the weather AL ROKER: [starts sweating, loosens tie]
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- ME: if we aren’t supposed to pick our noses then why are the holes perfectly finger sized 911: i don’t know sir
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- every seat in a movie theater should have an "I have to pee" button and if enough people press it they should be able to pause the movie
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- Darling, fetch me my bathing toaster won't you
- recipe for flourless brownies, actually no-bake flourless brownies, actually instant no ingredients brownies, actually can make while driving a car brownies
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- [kicking in door of a sports bar, looking gay as hell] you boys ever heard of hockey???
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- [dead in the morgue] *one leg outside body bag*
- Me: *makes a single small purchase from a brand* Brand: We are now betrothed
