Swim Jeans 👖
Pilot. Mancub. Liar. 🍸🤘
header by the great Marf Salvador
avi by @frovo.bsky.social
He/Him
👉: https://bsky.app/profile/did:plc:bmvl67povgevf645aj6vfpje/feed/aaab5d3sxupgm
- Guy in the bathroom stall next to me just angrily muttered “that’s what fucken happens when you eat too many peanuts!” I have so many questions
- Reposted by Swim Jeans 👖My neighbor Randy saw his shadow today so it looks like we’ll be experiencing six more weeks of drunken front yard kung fu
- Fetus is short for feet r us
- Reposted by Swim Jeans 👖[Not loaded yet]
- Reposted by Swim Jeans 👖[Not loaded yet]
- Reposted by Swim Jeans 👖[Not loaded yet]
- [getting completely dominated in a street fight] ME: damn this toddler plays by her own rules
- Reposted by Swim Jeans 👖[Not loaded yet]
- Reposted by Swim Jeans 👖[Not loaded yet]
- hey bro the homies and I are fighting a battle we know nothing about if you want to pull up later
- Reposted by Swim Jeans 👖Why couldn’t you have told me I’m the River Spirit Kohaku before I bought all these spatulas.
- Reposted by Swim Jeans 👖[Not loaded yet]
- Reposted by Swim Jeans 👖[Not loaded yet]
- Reposted by Swim Jeans 👖[Not loaded yet]
- Reposted by Swim Jeans 👖[Not loaded yet]
- BOSS: in a perfect world you’d be here on time ME: dude in a perfect world I’d be poolside in my Spider-Man Underoos eating mushrooms and sipping pina coladas until everyone around me looked like a hamster
- Reposted by Swim Jeans 👖[Not loaded yet]
- Reposted by Swim Jeans 👖[Not loaded yet]
- LEADER: welcome to amnesia club do you have any stories you’d like to share ME: none that I can recall GROUP: *applauds quietly*
- Reposted by Swim Jeans 👖[Not loaded yet]
- Reposted by Swim Jeans 👖[Not loaded yet]
- The homies and I are over here makin mountains out of molehills
- Reposted by Swim Jeans 👖[Not loaded yet]
- Reposted by Swim Jeans 👖[Not loaded yet]
- Reposted by Swim Jeans 👖[Not loaded yet]
- Reposted by Swim Jeans 👖[Not loaded yet]
- Reposted by Swim Jeans 👖[Not loaded yet]
- [family dinner] ME: *gets up in my teenager’s face* this ham is lowkey 6 7 goated
- Reposted by Swim Jeans 👖[Not loaded yet]
- Reposted by Swim Jeans 👖[Not loaded yet]
- MOM: wanna see me do a handstand ME: no WOW: too late
- Reposted by Swim Jeans 👖[Not loaded yet]
- Reposted by Swim Jeans 👖Me: *makes a single small purchase from a brand* Brand: We are now betrothed
- Reposted by Swim Jeans 👖[Not loaded yet]
- Reposted by Swim Jeans 👖[Not loaded yet]
- Bluesky void inhabitant logging on
- [enjoying a pleasant summer’s eve on the porch] ME: this douche is delicious
- Reposted by Swim Jeans 👖[Not loaded yet]
- Reposted by Swim Jeans 👖[Not loaded yet]
- Reposted by Swim Jeans 👖[Not loaded yet]
- Are you ok babe you’ve hardly touched your Santa meat
- Reposted by Swim Jeans 👖[Not loaded yet]
- Reposted by Swim Jeans 👖[Not loaded yet]
- Reposted by Swim Jeans 👖[Not loaded yet]
- Everyone who judges my minotaur transformation should be forced to walk a mile in my hooves
- Reposted by Swim Jeans 👖[Not loaded yet]
- Reposted by Swim Jeans 👖[Not loaded yet]
- Reposted by Swim Jeans 👖[Not loaded yet]
- An apple a day keeps the doctor away unless you try to swallow one whole
- Reposted by Swim Jeans 👖[Not loaded yet]
- If I don’t cry in the waiting room today my therapist promised to do a face reveal
- Reposted by Swim Jeans 👖[Not loaded yet]
- Hello and also WTF
- Reposted by Swim Jeans 👖[Not loaded yet]
- Reposted by Swim Jeans 👖[Not loaded yet]
- Reposted by Swim Jeans 👖[Not loaded yet]
- HULK HOGAN THE POOH: oh brother
- Reposted by Swim Jeans 👖[Not loaded yet]
- Reposted by Swim Jeans 👖[Not loaded yet]
- ME: oh cool I love deep purple BULLY [twisting my nipples even harder]: how does this not hurt
- Reposted by Swim Jeans 👖Realized I never said "unquote" after reciting a famous poem in 10th grade. Sorry if you thought everything I've said since is Shakespeare
- Amazon’s sure got their finger on the holiday pulse
- ME: I’m not really into horror scenes or melodramatic roles, I can’t cry on command and I definitely won’t do nudity KFC RECRUITER: ok
- Reposted by Swim Jeans 👖[Not loaded yet]
- Reposted by Swim Jeans 👖[Not loaded yet]
- Reposted by Swim Jeans 👖[Not loaded yet]
- Reposted by Swim Jeans 👖[Not loaded yet]
- ME [arriving for my eye exam]: is this the right place GUY BEHIND THE DELI COUNTER: no
- Reposted by Swim Jeans 👖[Not loaded yet]
- Reposted by Swim Jeans 👖[Not loaded yet]
- Reposted by Swim Jeans 👖[Not loaded yet]
