imagine bragging that you can’t cook in your 30s
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2026 is the year soymilk makes a comeback
My painting DARK STORM
i got got so hard here
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free names for the budding drag queens out there: myopia, polly propylene
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watching the inaug, libbing out
youre telling me a buffalo replaced this?
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happy dheizember to all who celebrate
kirby air riders get rick quick scheme
real men have a little cry about loona disbanding sometimes
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who could have known the My Leg! guy was so multitalented
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the ones who walk away from omelettes: my vegan journey
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she said 🍌☹️
me: knows they’re losing
me: pays for my place by the ring
look. i want a mitski tattoo and STAY SOFT is eight letters (knuckle tat length). i’m just SAYING,
every time i turn around boomers gather round always lookin at me up and down lookin at my [cathartic scream]
nothing burger left beef
not ONLY am i a joker, a smoker and a midnight toker - i am also a bitch, lover, child, mother, sinner, saint and i do not feel ashamed
concept: girlboss comedy gothic account where it is heavily implied her 9 to 5 is an actual cult
a top post for me
KOKO THE GORILLA: Koko birkin bag. Practical Koko possession bag
RESEARCHER: No, Koko. You can’t have a Birkin bag.
KOKO: Good Birkin good Koko give beautiful Koko deserve gorilla
RESEARCHER: Koko, we simply can’t afford a Birkin bag. It is an unjustifiable expense.
KOKO: jealousy professor
if ur a horror writer u have two choices: have a really scary look or a totally unassuming look. both choices are equally funny
life hack: need to make a girl cry? simply ask about her mother’s stolen youth. works every time
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bleem calling hassan “the ones who lift weights in omelas” lives in my head rent free
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tw capitalism but i wish i lived in a world where all of my tech products were the color of my pearl pink nintendo gameboy advance sp
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My skeets are to be read with the voice of a 10 inch tall 1930s mobster just trying to have it all in the big city
conor omalley and dropout improv have a nyc show on the same night whatta hell am i sipposed to do..
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giddy up, jingle horse, jingle your horse
ballatro (when i'm balling out playing balatro)
we must convince men that spitting on the ground is gay
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looking up the author for the scifi book i'm enjoying and getting jumpscared every time
so kind of my 2 favorite artists (mitski and alvvays) to be hosting a PERSONAL concert for ME on my 5 year anniversary
i don’t know what goulash is and at this point i’m scared to ask
i spoil my dog so much i be googling shit like can dog eat haricots verts
no one:
my brain: i don’t smoke (yeehaw version)
breaking the ice at a mitski concert: so do u guys like mitski
my dog is so feminist that he has huge ears to listen to women better
*kneeling down inspecting a star shaped zit sticker on the sidewalk* yep, it’s fresh. a gen Zer was just here.
one time in central park i witnessed a raccoon dive into a public trashcan only to pop back out with a whole slice of pizza in his mouth, as a new yorker this felt kinda like seeing a unicorn. a small crowd formed. it was so cute and comedic.
KOKO THE GORILLA: Koko birkin bag. Practical Koko possession bag
RESEARCHER: No, Koko. You can’t have a Birkin bag.
KOKO: Good Birkin good Koko give beautiful Koko deserve gorilla
RESEARCHER: Koko, we simply can’t afford a Birkin bag. It is an unjustifiable expense.
KOKO: jealousy professor
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