Tim is not in at the moment
Writer, Comedian, Musician, and Podcaster. I like cats.
- Listen up America: The call is coming from inside the house.
- Reposted by Tim is not in at the momentThis is terrible, but I feel so vindicated. Adding her to my list of “People I was right about all along.”
- It was just about this time last year they were unplugging mom from all the machines keeping her alive. I’m not having the best of days.
- I don’t watch college basketball but I’ve noticed that most of the pictures I see are of young black men being coached by an old white man and I feel like that is saying something…
- I don’t know if it’s part of Star Wars canon but I presume the first use of the force was to get a cat to move close enough to be petted.
- There are two kinds of people in the world - those who believe everything he says is the truth and those who actually understand what the word “truth” means.
- Me looking at the clock and thinking I slept an hour later than usual and patting myself on the back. An hour later: It’s daylight savings time? FUCK!
- I have now gone two days without hitting a wild animal with my car. Came close with a wild turkey yesterday. It stared my car down as I was hitting the brakes and I fully believe it would have won in a fight had it come to that.
- I have lived in Minnesota almost all of my life. I had to go to Great Basin National Park in Nevada to hit a deer. Me and the car are mostly fine. The deer ran away so I can’t say much about their condition.
- Look, I hate to use a Godfather reference but I think the Democratic Party needs a wartime consigliere.
- I stayed here last night!
- I’m having trouble believing in all those movies with master assassin snipers because if you could really hire those people, wouldn’t someone have taken out Putin by now?
- I gotta give a shout out to @crobertcargill.bsky.social for the escapism of “The Gorge.” It was the right thing to keep my brain from spiraling last night. I miss you, friend!
- I’m a diabetic. I have it pretty well controlled and one of the reasons is Ozempic, which is a “weight loss drug.” I just bring this up because SOMEONE is suggesting people don’t need these medications.
- Look, I’m not saying Captain America: Brave New World is the best Captain America film. I’m just saying I’d totally take President Red Hulk right now.
- I know it’s unlikely but my fantasy end to the political mess we are in is Trump and Musk discovered in the Oval Office having killed each other with presidential executive order signing pens.
- The environmentalist in me wants to go paperless because it creates less waste. The anti Capitalist in me wants to make mega corporations keep sending me paper because it costs them more.
- I’m not typically an “in my day” kind of guy but most arcades these days objectively suck.
- February is still Black history month! This year, both Super Bowl quarterbacks were black. Would you like to know more about the first black man to play quarterback in the NFL? en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Fritz_P...
- A Christian ad using a cover of Depeche Mode’s “Personal Jesus” is just about the most perfect analogy for what is going on right now.
- I don’t have the subtitles on so I couldn’t tell you a single thing Kendrick Lamar is saying but something tells me it’s a lot more subversive than most of the people watching think it is.
- Trans rights are human rights is not a political statement.
- Not gonna lie - the Kennedy Center announcement is getting to me because theater is where I live and a guy who knows nothing about theater is taking it over. He won’t keep his hands out of anything at all. He wants to control everything.
- I’ve been searching for the consumer product that best encompasses all that is wrong with America. Mission accomplished!
- Anything that makes my reserved 20 year old laugh out loud is worth sharing.
- I hate to sound selfish but the New York Times needs to come up with about two dozen more word games if I’m going to have any chance of getting through the next four years.
- I’m going to keep saying it: Nobody ever transitioned male to female to win a high school track meet.
- When one is playing the Devil’s advocate, do they understand that what they are doing is a bad thing or…?
- Talked to my broker about wanting some Costco stock and he suggested we wait because Costco is at a 12 month high. Huh.
- Maybe if we said that Elon Musk was a white supremacist instead of a Nazi, he wouldn’t get so upset about it.
- So hey - did you know it’s still Black History month? Here’s some information about Rosa Parks: en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Rosa_Pa...
- So if I understand this correctly: The tariffs are being paused because Mexico and Canada agreed to do things they probably would have done if someone had just called them and asked.
- Happy Groundhog’s Day or, as we call it in Minnesota, “of course that little fucker saw his shadow” day!
- February is still Black History Month. Don’t let anyone pretend it isn’t important.
- Reposted by Tim is not in at the momentSharing from my Brother-out-law's page
- The man who complained about a preacher choosing the wrong moment to make a political statement is using a plane crash to make a political statement. I can’t even.
- I don’t blame Target so much as I blame Capitalism. No corporation makes decisions based on decency. They make it based on profit. If DEI were profitable, they would totally still be doing it. Capitalism is, by design, indecent.
- I like Grogu and all but he is using up all the shelf space that used to hold Porgs so I also kind of hate him.
- Some days thinking about “all this” is overwhelming. Other days, it is also overwhelming.
- The funny thing is I’m not a shark super fan. I just co-wrote a song about sharks that people love and now I have all sorts of shark stuff. It’s not the worst legacy.
