Paul
Marriage, my dogs, golf, work, general stupidity.
Blue is much more soothing than red.
For mediocrity, press the link below
bsky.app/profile/did:plc:cwzjygusjn5xjsu47dtcp2tl/feed/aaacbkeptqwsw
- Your stinkfoot puts a hurt on my nose.
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- Ok. Leo DiCaprio is hardly a surprise.
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- Reposted by Paulstarting a TikTok trend where people delete TikTok
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- Reposted by PaulWhen faced with a difficult decision I like to ask what would Jesus do? The problem is he answers in Aramaic.
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- Reposted by PaulEverything becomes sexier if you add the word French to it. Fries. Kiss. Crocodile...
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- Reposted by PaulMy insecurities go back so far, they come with wood paneling.
- Reposted by PaulAs I get older I've come to realize there is no position I can be in without some part of my body falling asleep.
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- Apparently my department's new manager just called my sup and bitched that of the 8 inspectors, only one was was on billable time. So we know the guy is watching us live. It's OK. We already knew he was a P.O.S. and hated him.
- Doesn't start till tomorrow and already loving the TikToks of drunks at the Wasted Management Open in Phoenix. Always a fun watch.
- Reposted by PaulI know that I could never chop up a body with an axe should I ever need to dispose of a corpse. It’s not that I’m squeamish or anything, I just lack the necessary upper body strength.
- Reposted by PaulZOOKEEPER: So our last snake is our yellow Burmese python ME: *way too loud* A bananaconda ZOOKEEPER: *pulling out his tazer* look away kids
- Reposted by PaulSex is best when all parties sound like seagulls fighting over a bag of parking lot fries
- Reposted by PaulI’d like to think the drywall screw I lost last week is now in orbit traveling 20,000mph in a random, threatening direction
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- Reposted by PaulWill practice random acts of weirdness.
- Reposted by Paul[opens rat poison] ROUND AND ROUND me: whoa EVERY ROSE HAS IT'S THORN me: wtf
- Reposted by Paulbarring bad weather, more like barring life, am i right? *said in rodney dangerfield voice*
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- Reposted by PaulMy god there are some dumbass people in this country. Like, intentionally fucking stupid. And they’re loud in proportion to their stupid. Is it a brain chemistry thing? I swear to god it is. Anyhoo here’s Wonderwall
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- Reposted by Paul[wife holding box of mac & cheese] the powder packet is missing, weird [me holding large glass of what looks like orange milk] that is weird
- Reposted by Paulnot wearing a bra to the hospital feels a little illegal everyone please avert your eyes these are my bedroom boobs
- Reposted by PaulI guess Mike Johnson missed law school the day they taught all of the laws.
- Reposted by PaulI don’t consider myself an avid reader but boy do I love reading too much into things
- Reposted by PaulSadly, this is NOT satire.
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- Reposted by PaulMe (when someone quotes my post): No, bitch Me (when I quote someone's post & they detach it): No, bitch
- Kind of tough to get anything done when you have a 40 pound barnacle of love glued to you with no intention of moving. At least he's keeping me warm.
- Reposted by PaulBefore your next gynaecological appointment or visit with the proctologist why not pop a ‘Made in China’ tag up there, just for shits and giggles.
- Reposted by PaulNot now motherfucker, I have shit posting to do.
- Reposted by PaulWhen a basset hound's jowls droop, it's adorable, breed appropriate and perfect, when mine do it's unnatural, unsettling and I'm melting.
- Reposted by Paul*Groundhog Day pitch meeting* You know how some rodents are clairvoyant?
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- Reposted by PaulOf course I self medicate, do you want me out there medicating other people?
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- Reposted by PaulCall me Groundhog the way I open the door, look outside, say fuck that and head back to bed for another 6 weeks.
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