furby hancock
big fan of websites
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- an extremely chill klaxon blares in pleasant city
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- start over and explain like i'm five. okay stop. start over and explain like you're my father and you're proud of me. try to use the words "i love you"
- not guilty by reason of insanity. guilty again by reason of: isn't insanity the only rational response to this insane world?
- for once why can't an elevator just be happy where it is
- son, please, don't rush into this. you have the rest of your life to be emo
- experimental prenatal test determines whether your child will be emo
- the ideal operating system would make using the computer completely impossible
- guy who invented the single whammy: let's see them try to top this one
- slice of life so thin it liquefies in the pan with just a little oil. (smiling as a rogue wave silently barrels toward our ship)
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- that gap on my resume is because i listened to too much elliott smith in high school
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- me: in cereal society, overlarge cornflakes are treated like gods among mortals. yet they all get eaten with the same spoon. cornflake spy: (disguised as a human) interesting. tell me more about this 'spoon'
- hand-tinged with regret by our artisan has-beens
- Sex grew in popularity over the decades following its invention in the 1960s. Though still practiced today [by whom?], its public image changed drastically in the wake of 9/11.
- Reposted by furby hancockMy dentist can do it all, from a simple cleaning to identifying my charred remains
- checking my phone to see what time it is. checking my antique pocket watch to see what time it would be in the 1870s
- We interviewed 5 million microbes from the GI tract of Greasy Hank, the least healthy man in America
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- (showing you my collection of mere distinctions) i'm big into differences lately
- make sure they put enough atoms in there. they like to use void as a filler
- you could wish for one gas station hot dog and save a few bucks, or you could wish for half-price hot dogs forever and save hundreds of dollars a month
- before the invention of floors there was absolutely no place to store clothing
- waiter: we don't have bang. is whimper okay? me: ive never been okay in my entire life
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- worshiping a false idol or two as a hedge against christianity
- asking a highly specialized beetle 'is this niche taken?' and not waiting for the answer
- you should get a notification when someone achieves something you were kinda thinking about doing
- MMXXVI is the year i finally learn arabic numerals
- probably won't move on to 2026 until i 100% 2025
- surrounded: one political prisoner vs twenty armed guards
- whenever i order a pizza i always fill up on the cardboard box first
- thinking about a banana from a few years back. i can't imagine how ripe it must be now
- simon: how about... 'jesus the christ'? peter: no 'the'. it's cleaner jesus: 'jesus christ'... now i could get used to that
- White House steals ice cream cone from young child, citing national security concerns
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- nerdy love interest: (removing glasses) wow... you've been blurry this whole time
- removing all the strings from the banana peel before i slip on it
- BEST low-karma sensory pleasures 2025
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- ask me about my boss's cryogenically frozen body
