chris evans
Receipts provider. Movie live tweeter.
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➡️ notcapnamerica.com
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- If I send you this just know you better Venmo me the money for brunch
- Do you know what your teenage sons are doing right now?
- The way men reach a certain age, realize they’ve made all the wrong choices in life, and desperately start looking for a woman gullible enough to believe they’re a “changed man” to cure their loneliness and be their unpaid housekeeper, chef, and nurse.
- Watching this Netflix documentary about this British chef’s biological Mom who showed up and scammed out of his entire life savings.
- Sometimes watching 90 Day Fiancé I wonder if there’s something wrong with me. These people get engaged the first day they ever meet in person. How?!
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- And ANOTHER thing When I catch this slackjawed knock-kneed hussie in the streets it’s gonna be ON SIGHT
- The overwhelming majority of the LGBT community voted for the person who stood between them keeping or losing all their civil rights. I will continue to stand 10 toes down on dragging the small minority of you self righteous pricks who made a choice to ignore the facts & put the rest of us at risk.
- How it started: How it’s going:
- Omg we won!!! #Oscars
- What’s the best way to find an experienced researcher? Looking for info on a famous musician from the 50s. Need things like archival interviews, music contracts, legal records, early local news articles, and oral histories from industry figures. If you have leads or experience let me know!
- NYC ✈️ LAX
- I —
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- My mother: Who was the man leaving your house this morning with the braids? Me: Check your email Mom: why? Me: I just revoked your access to my security cameras
- WTF is going on?!
- We’re going to the Oscars, baby!
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- Jennifer Hudson had to turn off the comments
- Can’t even sit and do my skin care routine without her being all up in my grill
- matched with a handsome emergency room doctor on Hinge and he immediately wanted to talk on the phone. bitch I'm an introvert who needs time to mentally prepare for social interactions. Hold on a minute
- Hey! 👋🏾
- Hello 🐾
- These Natalia Grace final chapters are a MESS. The religious people running a cult out of their home and using disabled kids for a check are disgusting.
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- The bitter recently divorced man to mass murderer pipeline continues.
- 11 teens have been arrested for beating two men they had lured using a gay dating app. Activists and police warn the attacks are part of a larger social media trend where straight teens and adults target and lure gay men for assault. www.advocate.com/crime/illino...
- Mentally I’m still here
- Have y’all seen that show where the people find out there’s someone who’s been secretly living in their house for months and they never knew they were there?
- And managed to be fine AF while getting it all done
- She needs to get on LinkedIn and start looking for a job.
- This man married a whole ass inmate a day after she got out of prison, she immediately went on a coke bender, stole his $ and his rental car. Now he owes the entire cost of the vehicle, over $20k. She got arrested, released, arrested again — and he still talmbout “shes my goddess” #LoveAfterLockup
- New Year’s Eve: before
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- Apple TV is free this weekend! My recommendations ➡️ notcapnamerica.com
- My Mom 10 minutes into Wicked: “I don’t get it. I like her — why did she turn into the wicked witch?” “Mom I don’t know; that’s what we’re watching this movie to find out.”
- 48 hours after discovering YouTube my grandfather is now onto videos of girls twerking and hip hop music playlists.
- Tried to sleep in a few extra hours this morning. But alas, my mother is up, cooking, listening to the preacher’s wife soundtrack at 1000+ volume, and banging the pot lids together like cymbals.
- My Mom and Auntie are exchanging gifts they bought on Temu and Shein but neither of them can pronounce the name of either store.
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- My friend went out on a date last night and the topic came up of changing linens. She asked him how often he changes out his pillows and he says to her, “what do you mean change the pillows? 😐”
- Am I crazy in thinking the line at the pharmacy would move faster if they had one line for people who are ready to just swipe their card and go, & another for people with questions, comments, want to tell you about their grandchildren, what happened on family feud last night etc?
- When do I get my leg back?
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- Not Eddie Redmayne giving up the bussy to a security guard in Day of the Jackal to get closer to his kill target
- Danielle Deadwyler did the damn thing in Carry On. That car 🚙 scene 😱
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- I was meeting a date at this bar that’s also an arcade. He was late so I was playing some racing game Why did he walk in the exact moment the race was over to see me ranking 39/40 😩
