Matt Kirshen
Writer of the Complete Works of
Shakespeare
http://www.mattkirshen.com
- Reposted by Matt Kirshen“Billionaires are job creators”
- The Washington Post embarked on severe cuts despite appeals by the newsroom to owner Jeff Bezos. The paper is to narrow its focus largely to politics and national security. n.pr/4qAlWBj
- Surely that'll only make him worse
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- Wow. Once there’s a ban on this thing that’s already illegal they’ll definitely not keep doing it. Great work team 👍
- Listen to this!
- “Of course, why wouldn’t I want to let him know?” -guy who just told a random pollster that he’s a pedophile
- Has there ever been any poll showing the public this united? yougov.co.uk/technology/a...
- Looks like I picked the right week to play St. Louis. Wed night, Helium comedy club. Come for the no monkeys*, stay for the show. *not a guarantee
- a) fucking hell b) zoom in on Emmons’ profile pic. fucking hell
- Great choice by the Globes to do the polymarket odds thing. Who wants the winner of each category to be a surprise? Not me.
- Reposted by Matt KirshenPastor: I said to this ICE agent, 'Take me, stop harassing her.' The agent got in my face, pointed a gun at me, and said, 'Are you afraid now?' To which I said, 'I am not afraid.'
- Reposted by Matt KirshenThe bone man. He’s come in the mornings and steal a bone from your bin. If there were no bones in the bin one of your family would have to sacrifice a toe or a finger. My uncle Colin lost an arm to him one time. Of course this was before the Bone War
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- @grok is it a good or bad thing when the richest man in the world helps pedophiles digitally undress minors?
- Here’s a cool NYE thing: Set the countdown timer on your phone for 109 minutes and if you start it dead on 10:11pm the chimes will coincide exactly with the stroke of midnight!
- Reposted by Matt KirshenThis is cool as hell
- London don’t you dare miss this rare chance
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- Why does the little drummer boy fart after every line?
- 🎵 He’s making a list And checking it twice He’s washing his hands And re-checking the list This is so his parents Won’t die 🎶🎄
- So deeply flattered that not only did @barackobama.bsky.social include comedians on his sounds of the year for the first time, he chose my work. Thank you, Mr President.
- It's a shame Tony Montana died before he could show anyone his little friend
- Order nachos on a first date to prepare them for something that starts great and ends in wet, floppy disappointment
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- New tour dates! Full info and links at mattkirshen.com
- Australia don’t stop with adults only. Treat social media like smoking. Ban it in the workplace — you have to go outside and post in the rain. Have PSAs “Ew I don’t want to kiss you, you’re a poster, you smell of thumbs.”
- 🚨ATTENTION 70s BRITISH IMPRESSIONISTS!!🚨 Michael Crawford is a Kennedy Center honoree. Time to dust off the beret. May I suggest “Ooh Bett-sy Ross” or “The cat’s done a whoopsie on the Oval Office seal of the President of the United States” It writes itself
- Is it any and all sex with Hugh Hefner?
- I take back everything I said about the #worldcupdraw and would watch a whole series of Wayne Gretzky pronouncing countries #TheGreatOne
- Remarkable for an event that includes Donald Trump that the most racist thing in the #worldcupdraw is Kevin Hart’s lighting
- Crumple zones are woke
