Barbie Koelker
Tech Marketer for Hire. Nerd.
Caffeinated Cat Lady.
DTLA. 🌸🌴🩵
- To walk through 2026 with the confidence of _final.pdf but the foresight of _YYYYMMDD_HHMM.psd
- Happy new year! May you find vengeance, redemption, peace, or whatever your heart desires in 2026! 🥂🎉
- Ripping the emotional bandage off and opening the holiday with It’s a Wonderful Life. 😭
- Attending the GamesBeat Hollywood & Games event? See you there!
- Ritz crackers with cream cheese and a glass of eggnog at 2am? Yup. Nocturnal girl dinner.
- Her Meowjesty, Princess Penny, crossed over the rainbow bridge yesterday. Penny, you are so loved. 🤍 🌈 🐾 Thank you for walking up to me in an alley in 2009. Thank you for being such a wonderful little sister to Munchkin, a big sister to Luffy, a momma to Vivi & Sanji, and a grandma to Lily.
- Fahrenheit is for humans. Celsius is for water. Kelvin is for planets.
- 150 days of Penny being such a brave and strong fighter. Thank you for every bonus day you give me, little lady. 🥹 You are so patient and trusting through the supplements, insulin, and trips to the vet’s office. I love you so so much. 🩷🐾
- I just tried to label a column as “2024 Q5”. It should be 2026 Q1. I’m losing years and gaining quarters over here. 😅
- When an ad licenses a song you haven’t heard in forever, and now you’ve gone down a rabbit hole. 🕳️ youtu.be/hqthspSKZV8?...
- Marketing is a beautiful, albeit chaotic blend of art & science. We are creators & analysts, seeking to resonate with our audiences to amplify growth.
- Ever since Penny came home from the hospital, I've been tracking her food intake down to the gram, taking note what percentage of her calories have come from kibble, wet food, and treats. #SeniorCats
- To the people who drive with their music so loud that it can be clearly and loudly heard from 200 feet away and through thick glass … what’s your favorite brand of hearing aids? Also, is your car super glued together? Or do you have to tighten a bunch of parts after every few songs?
- Say what you will about #adtech. The most egregious false advertising I routinely come across is our cat Luffy laying belly up in the hallway. It’s a lie. It’s always a lie.
- Absolutely brilliant. 😂
- 4 months ago today, Penny landed in the hospital. She fought her way through DKA, a blood transfusion, & so much more. 17 weeks ago today, Penny had surgeries to remove her spleen — and a massive tumor on it — and get a feeding tube. Today, Penny is a purry, sassy, nearly 17 year old lady.
- “We have a pet friendly office!” “Is it cat friendly?” “…” “…” “I’ll find out!” “Okay, thanks!” “… thanks for applying to …” 🤷♀️😹
- When it’s one of those days, so your spouse sends you a video of the pastry options at the grocery store. 🥹
- I had no idea this version existed, nor how much I needed to hear it. 😭 open.spotify.com/track/7oyoi2...
- It’s so strange. I was born in 1985, and yet here I am, living in 1984. 🤔😔
- Just finished submitting all the scores and notes for the award category I was judging for the US Travel ESTOS Awards. Several solid campaigns, some fuzzy impact numbers, and one campaign that made me cry it was so good. Good luck to everyone!
- BRB gonna add the ability to successfully negotiate with a spoiled senior cat — who can’t hear, has high expectations, and imposes ever-shifting priorities & preferences — to my resume. 😅 PS: Penny is eating wet food and even a bit of kibble today (after her treats-only protest yesterday)
- One year ago right now, EMTs were plucking me off the pavement after I crashed an electric scooter and was pretty banged up. A couple hospitals, a bunch of stitches, a metal plate & 10 screws, and lots of patience later, I’ve since walked nearly 600 miles. Thanks, science! 😅🙌🏼
- Cat treat: next to water dish Penny: yells at me, face 1 inch from mine Me: gently holds cat treat dish in front of her Penny: finally, I can eat!
- Interviewed for a dream job today. Penny’s glucose crashed during the call. Smearing syrup on a cat’s gums while still telling your life story is just proof of managing multiple priorities at once, right?
- 100 days of hopes, fears, pleas to the universe, cuddles, blood draws, medicine, and more.
- Shot glass of hot sauces & ghost pepper salt time! (Yay migraines)
- Caturday stroll with Princess Penny. 👑😻☀️🌴
- When your diabetic kitty’s glucose has been too erratic today, so you’re nervous to fall asleep. 😬 Thankful my Apple Watch will yell at me if her sugar dips again? Definitely. Still setting alarms throughout the night? Yup. 😩
- Tired? Check. Cat sleeping with her head on my arm? Check. Sitting here forever unable to sleep myself? Check.
- Whoever figured out where to place a glucose monitor on a cat: thank you. 🙏 I cannot imagine trying to regulate Penny’s glucose without this device. She can’t use words to explain how she feels, and a dip is so NOT obvious. 🥹
- Eternally thankful for Penny’s trust in me. Between syringes full of supplements, insulin twice a day, subcutaneous fluids every other day, and a new glucose monitor every 15 days, I’m constantly fussing over her. Somehow, she still meows at me for cuddles and purrs.
- SSP curation? My night owl version of this is Selective Stock Photo curation. 😅
- My affinity for alliteration and acronyms may be the death of me.
- Someone ban me from taking naps on weekdays. 😩 A 40 minute snooze several hours ago will keep me up far too late for my 9am call.
