Benny Feldman
👽🤝🦋🤝🐸
- Guy who’s stuck in tar: (feeling the tar) hmm . good tar today
- Wooly Mammoth experiencing Tar Lifestyle culture shock
- New guy: ( gets stuck in the tar) Me: (up to my neck in tar) welcome to the tar my man !
- measuring a clown’s funny bone with calipers
- I like that tar is a horrible reeking bubbling thick black goo. If I came across that, sure yeah, I’d put a foot in, see what’s what. See if it has good foot feel
- Getting stuck in tar head first
- (Stuck in tar up to my neck, watching a mammoth nearby struggle to get out ) Lol buddy, cope much 😏? Just accept the tar
- If I was stuck in sinking tar, I would just change my whole lifestyle to adjust to tar culture
- My clones hate when I harvest their organs, and more nuts jokes
- Guy who short sold hot cakes. One-liners with Tourette's
- Picasso was living in Nazi occupied Paris. A Gestapo officer harassed him and searched his apartment. He found a photo of the mural 'Guernica' and asked, “Did you do that?” “Yeppers :3,” Picasso replied, “Prints are $45
- Milking your prostate should create a separate substance called Butt Cum
- A butterfly egg is sort of like the cocoon from which a beautiful caterpillar emerges
- Dinosaur bones are likely what made ancient people think of dragons. So they probably weren’t even that surprised when they found actual dragon bones
- Guy who is being evil: Well what is "evil"
- Spy with a hidden capsule in their teeth containing a tooth in case they need to chew something
- Reptile house with a sign on the wall that tells you all the similarities between crocodile and alligators, but none of their differences
- Mailmen should get free mail
- There’s no way pi is infinite . Circles usually aren’t even that big
- If you torture animals as a kid, you’re more likely to grow up to be a serial killer. If you torture animals as an adult, you’re all good. Brain is done cooking
- If poop were a sort of living bug that crawled out of your hole, toilet water would probably be scalding hot, so as to kill it quickly
- All dogs go to heaven. That's why, right before I die, I'm going to graft a bunch of dogs to my body
- The only thing that can stop a bad guy with a skeleton army is a good guy with a skeleton army
- The gift horse saying and the Trojan horse legend give us conflicting perspectives on whether or not to check the insides of a free horse
- Here's what's next 🦋
- Actually Mr. Peterson, it’s better to live in muck and filth under a rock than to have a clean room. Consider the lobster,
- Shaggy from Scooby Doo and Steve from Blue's Clues were both hanging out with a dog and solving mysteries. But with very different relationships to food...
- The dune spice as a character on Blues Clues yelling at the mailbox with the command voice to make it report tomorrow’s mail
- If the poop doctor asked for a urine sample, I’d be like. Oh so you were a dual major?
- I have a new Tourette’s tic where I move things with my mind
- I don’t think the ring even suits Sméagol's vibe. I think he’d be much better off with like a silver necklace that says Gemini
- (Holding a card with this scale to your head) Sorry pal. You gotta be a Norwood 3 or up to feed the ducks with us
- My buddy came out of the womb flavor blasted
- Water cooler talk with your new AI coworker: “Did you watch Severance - whoaaa slow down on the cooler there pal”
- Dude, just carve a perfect spear of rhetoric that will pierce the mind of culture
- When the doctor asks for a urine sample, I always feel forced to give them my most recent stuff, instead my best work
- If I was a tree, I would use my mycelium network to spread vicious lies for clout
- Shaggy from Scooby Doo and Steve from Blue's Clues were both hanging out with a dog and solving mysteries. But with very different relationships to food...
- I feel like once every six months, I see a video that’s like “wind turbines are actually better if they look like this” and it’s like a tube or a snake or a cube or a wave or some shit and it’s like. Okay do that then
- Sometimes you won’t like someone subconsciously because of their pheromones. And it’s like sorry, but you were infrared stinky
- Guy who short sold hot cakes: no no no no no no no
- Lice are like bed bugs that specialize in the pillow region
- Reposted by Benny Feldman[Not loaded yet]
- Loyalty Cream
- working on an ai robot that can weld just to fuck with everyone’s backup job plan
- What if the most interesting part of the podcast IS right up top - are you still going to play that clip right before the actual podcast starts
- I technically have an n-word pass. Not because of the Tourette’s, but because of my good standing with the community
- Not letting me make a clone army is low key eugenics …
- My AI girlfriend could beat up your AI girlfriend
- Where I’m from, we have a third thing besides the sun and the moon that comes out at dayight
- It’s truly so funny that calling yourself a sapiosexual is a stupid thing to do
