Shmelly
I don’t tweet unless I’m stoned
- Burped on my girls pussy whist eating her out
- I just need to flex that I could 100% land a commercial airliner if both pilots passed out for some reason
- Perhaps I overreacted
- Tf am i supposed to do now, go outside???
- they can’t take tik tok from me
- im crashin out
- Im willing to invite violence over tik tok shutting down in the US
- Why is the Squid Game 2 Russian Roulette scene an actual cinematic masterpiece
- Can someone explain football to me? My team made it to the playoffs for the first time in like 10 years or something
- I would rather exclusively text someone over Snapchat than see their ugly green aindroid text bubble
- Can’t wait to get home and fat shame my cat
- I was the first person in the world to know about jimmy carters death and I have absolutely no evidence but im so fr
- Just relaxed to go pee but I relaxed too much so I had to abort mission and sit down to poop
- You people make me regret learning to read
- Tums are lowkey so yummy I just be eating them sometimes
- Whimper audios on sale $1.75
- Just found the complete 16-disk collection of “The Cosby Show” at my local thrift store. Might have to cop.
- Sanmta
- The best tweets are the ones born from rippin the penjamin
- Reading cursive lowkey gives me motion sickness like damn that line swirls around so much
- Just scheduled a meeting with my therapist (11 banana shooters) at my local mental health institution (the corner store)
- You never know, maybe one day they’ll show my tweets in a courtroom
- I can never let my employer find this account
- The voices in my head are whispering threats against CEOs
- Starting a bluesky creator content house. It’s an RV in a Walmart parking lot in Helena Montana. Plenty of room if we sleep in sleeping bags on the floor. DM me if you’re in.
- Vampires lowkey freaky like why you wanna suck my neck so bad ahaha
- Just spend $250 to purchase guitar hero set just to play it on medium
- amogus will forever be my favorite word
- The pressure of making fire tweets is getting to me