Vittoria
Born and bred in Brussels. Auditioned to be the talking clock. Will write for cash and custard.
- The entire UK today.
- To those who’ve been off work since 19th December: I regret to inform you the dream is over. Work is back. Your leisure has been discontinued. The out-of-office has expired. The smugness must end. Reality has a Teams invite just for you.
- One of my biggest worries is making new friends then going round for tea and discovering their house looks like this, and I’ll have to fake my own death to get out the friendship.
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- UK at Christmas
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- Chloe Kelly kicked the ball harder than anyone in the Premier League last season. Just in case anyone still thinks the women’s game isn’t “as fast”. #Lionesses
- hahahahahahahaha
- MORNING. Today marks 20 years since Brian Harvey ran himself over after eating four tuna mayo jacket potatoes. NEVER FORGET.
- I am obsessed.
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[Not loaded yet] - My fav Italian word is FRANCOBOLLI, meaning stamps.
- Happy Easter from Tuscany ❤️
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- Katy Perry says "you never know love until the day of a launch"... Katy Perry has a child, everyone. #BlueOrigin
- Sorting out our travel to Gatwick. And it may sound mental but we're just... paying for parking.
- The neighbour was arrested yesterday because he had a knife on him and before anyone says anything, yes I carry a knife also but that's in case there's ever cake.
- Me age 41
- Actual girl dinner at work
- My beauty lady had a man come in for waxing. Unnecessarily, he stripped TOTALLY NUDE for treatment, then proceeded to PURPOSELY fart, and then LAUGH at his farts, to the point she was so uncomfortable she walked out and no longer treats men. Men, this is why we fucking hate you.
- OK let's do this. Oxford comma or no Oxford comma? Tell me.
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- If you could have dinner with anyone, dead or alive, who would it be? Mine are Andrew Tate, Laurence Fox, Joey Barton and Donald Trump, and they'd all be dead.
- A national treasure.
- One of the funniest things I've ever seen. Joe Wilkinson explains the RNLI and nobody is allowed to laugh. Best 2 mins of TV in a long while.
- Neice and nephew have just gone up to put their pyjamas on and they're arguing James has come running down the stairs "LOUISE JUST CALLED ME A NATURAL DISASTER" and honestly I'm laughing so hard good one Lou.
- Embracing my 40s
- 41 on Monday. Doing OK.
- At customs in Amsterdam last year: Customs man: How long are you staying in the country for? Me: Just the night. Customs man: Reason for your visit? Me: Taylor Swift concert. Customs man looks at passport: Wow, there really is no age limit to Taylor Swift fans. LOL dude.
- this was my NYE. Don't ask.
- Imagine being a Tudor and being shown this, it would blow your little doubleted black death mind.
- Dating ethos 2025.
- Thanks to football, I now have the FIRST day to myself in weeks. Sounds boring but washing on, all sofa covers cleaned, new wax melts burning, Leo and Hanks on the telly, downloading new books, crumpets and nutella and mignonettes all to myself. I'm in heaven.
- New Out Of Office
- Me, all the 12 days of Christmas
- Festive walk
- Happy Christmas Eve.
- LOL
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- I look forward to this every year, despite knowing EE INSIDE OUT, this is a JOY to read. Get involved big time
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- Was feeling fine then remembered that this week, during an emergency at work, I text my colleague Michael "here if you need anything tonight" re the work emergency, and actually I sent it to "Michael Dropped Kerb" the man who dropped my kerb this summer so that's my sleep ruined.
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- Turns out "all men" isn't fucking far off. Time for you to stop yelling "not all men" at women and start to look in at yourselves, colleagues, team mates, drinking lads, friend, and start calling any misogyny. Time to stop being defensive and simply START STANDING WITH US.
- And thanks in advance to the men sharing this and our sentiments.
