A few years ago my therapist (who was trying to help me realize I was in an abusive relationship) asked what my partner did for me that made me feel I “owed” him. I told her that he made me coffee every morning (he pushed the button on the keurig machine). She very kindly said…
…that was the bare minimum a good partner does for someone they love. I didn’t even tell her I had asked him to please stop making my coffee (he would wake me up, and then yell at me for not being grateful for the coffee I didn’t ask for). It was “kindness” weaponized. When I finally ended that…
…relationship, making myself coffee in the mornings became the most peaceful practice in my life. I raised the standard for how I should be treated, by treating myself that way. Now I’m married to someone who makes me the BEST coffee, everyday, and sits with me and has a peaceful moment with me.
And it is absolutely minimal compared to everything else he does for me. All this to say, please don’t let someone gaslight you into thinking that you deserve poor treatment because they found a singular, minimal act to hold over your head. It is better to be alone in peace than together in turmoil.
Nov 25, 2024 16:42
