Doctor Crusher’s Email
Emails and missives from the flagship’s Chief Medical Officer.
#StarTrek
- From: CMO Beverly Crusher, MD To: Dr. Selar Subject: Lt. Barclay Just give him 10cc’s Inaprovaline and send him on his way. He doesn’t have spine mites… this time.
- From: CMO Beverly Crusher, MD To: All Hands Subject: Holodeck Safety Holodeck safety protocols exist for a reason. There are some appendages your talented sickbay team simply can’t reattach.
- From: CMO Beverly Crusher, MD To: Guinan Subject: Menu Clarification Guinan, You might need to clarify a “Singapore Sling” is, in fact, a cocktail. I’ve had four patients with mild sprains and light contusions after your “Ten Forward Tiki” event last night. Also, can I borrow the recipe?
- From: CMO Beverly Crusher, MD To: Lt. Commander Data Subject: Database Access Data, Would you please restrict Lt. Barclay’s medical database access to “Pediatric First Aid” only? Thanks!
- From: CMO Beverly Crusher, MD To: Captain Jean-Luc Picard Subject: Aunt Adele’s Hot Toddy That toddy of yours didn’t do shit, so I substituted the milk with bourbon. Free later?
- From: CMO Beverly Crusher, MD To: Medical Staff Subject: ICU Playlist Please note the song “Staying Alive” is not an appropriate addition to the ICU’s ambient playlist. Thanks, Dr C
- From: CMO Beverly Crusher, MD To: Lt. Alyssa Ogawa Subject: Missing Medical Kit Alyssa, Have you seen my backup medkit? It’s labeled BCMJ420.
- From: CMO Beverly Crusher, MD To: Cmdr. Riker Subject: Beard Oil Allergy Confirmed Will- Your beard is majestic. It’s made at least 12 separate species across the galaxy swoon with lust and envy. It’s also mildly toxic to three members of the crew. CHANGE BRANDS. -BC
- From: CMO Beverly Crusher, MD To: REPLY ALL Subject: Re: See a Green Glow? Correction: the previous message should read “…handle the matter personally.” I will personally handy all anaphasic lifeforms detected aboard. Thank you, Counselor Troi, for spotting this LCARS auto-correct. -Doctor C
- From: CMO Beverly Crusher, MD To: All Hands Subject: See a Green Glow? *ALL CREW* Any anaphasic lifeforms detected aboard the Enterprise are to be reported to the Chief Medical Officer directly, who will candle the matter personally. -Beverly Crusher, MD, Chief Medical Officer, USS Enterprise
- From: CMO Beverly Crusher, MD To: Ensign Ro Laren Subject: Limp I appreciate your self-diagnosis of “general badassery,” Ensign. However, that limp says otherwise. Report to sickbay. -Doctor Crusher
- From: CMO Beverly Crusher, MD To: Lt. Worf Subject: Sickbay Supplies Worf, Why is there a phaser stored in my crash cart? Thx, Dr C
- From: CMO Beverly Crusher, MD To: Captain Jean-Luc Picard Subject: This Mornng I think I left my combadge in your quarters.
- From: CMO Beverly Crusher, MD To: Cmdr. William Riker Subject: Holodeck “Therapy” Will- I checked the holodeck logs. That program does not qualify as physical therapy. Please see Nurse Ogawa asap. Thx, Bev