Cap’n Watsisname
Likes you and other things that are great. Magic bean farmer.
Recents: https://bsky.app/profile/did:plc:efdtjcx67l6vpztu7muhp64s/feed/aaabrbkkoo5lc
Best of: https://bsky.app/profile/did:plc:jiqppb3vymtquebk2yatb4mw/feed/aaaoxwn4kyzv4
- Reposted by Cap’n WatsisnameAccording to my fitness tracker I spent 7 hours this week committing acts of vengeance
- Reposted by Cap’n Watsisnamean accent could be a cheese curd
- Reposted by Cap’n Watsisnamecase in point! Alt text: video of my home infusion nurse from Wisconsin speaking- a bottle is infusing thru some tubing
- Reposted by Cap’n Watsisnamei am a lineman for the county and i drive the main road IF YOU EVEN CARE
- Reposted by Cap’n Watsisnamehe died doing what he loved… teaching bears to high five
- Reposted by Cap’n Watsisname*putting out a bowl of license plates for the great white I’m sharksitting*
- Reposted by Cap’n Watsisname“when you’re here you’re family” -me, bombing my audition for a fazolis commercial
- Reposted by Cap’n WatsisnameRight now the only thing keeping me reading Wuthering Heights is the conviction that they are all going to get exactly what they deserve.
- Reposted by Cap’n WatsisnameI greet so many students at the door of the school the security guard said I should be on the Love Boat and I resent being old enough to get that reference
- Reposted by Cap’n Watsisname6 yo on my lap: What if we got married? Me: I don’t think my husband would like that 6: Yeah but what if he DIED Me: I mean what are you offering here?
- Reposted by Cap’n WatsisnameI spend my evenings attending a dramatic live performance called “Starving Cats Who Ate One Hour Ago.”
- Reposted by Cap’n Watsisnameone of my favorites… it takes on a different meaning now in a way. thanks, Catherine O’Hara. youtu.be/3eflj2EWZzg?...
- Reposted by Cap’n Watsisnamean 8 year gap in my résumé that just says “got heavily into fountain pens”
- Reposted by Cap’n WatsisnameI simply don’t go to knife-fights
- Reposted by Cap’n WatsisnameZOOKEEPER: So our last snake is our yellow Burmese python ME: *way too loud* A bananaconda ZOOKEEPER: *pulling out his tazer* look away kids
- Reposted by Cap’n Watsisnamewould it kill this platform to include a little "nice" animation any time you're the 69th like
- Reposted by Cap’n WatsisnameHonk if you enjoy honking, but beware the beast.
- Reposted by Cap’n WatsisnameSkeletor more like yellator (because he yells a lot, not because his blue muscley body has a yellow skull don't be skeleton ageist/racist)
- Reposted by Cap’n WatsisnameSorry about the lasagna I become a different person when im sleepy
- Reposted by Cap’n Watsisnamestarting a TikTok trend where people delete TikTok
- Reposted by Cap’n Watsisname*gives my snowman a mouth Snowman: I licky boom boom down
- Reposted by Cap’n WatsisnameLeft alone with my wife's friend's husband. No idea what I'm supposed to do with him. Maybe we could open a Bed and Breakfast together?
- Reposted by Cap’n Watsisnamethey should make sweatpants for bones
- Reposted by Cap’n WatsisnameIf someone gives me shit I just tell them I have old man strength and I fight dirty
- Reposted by Cap’n Watsisnamelove shack anger cottage panic yurt sorrow hovel shame hole
- Reposted by Cap’n WatsisnameSometimes I think I'm really clever and that makes the tasers feel like tickles.
- Reposted by Cap’n WatsisnameJust wanted to announce that I've suspended any "go-getting" on my part for the foreseeable future.
- Reposted by Cap’n WatsisnamePass me the test tube with the drama in it I have a hypothesis. Now put it back. You just wanna drag me into your science but I almost proved I mind my own business
- Reposted by Cap’n WatsisnameThere’s actually no better time than now to live in your own World
- Reposted by Cap’n WatsisnameWhenever my son tells me we need to hang out more, I know he's guilting me into helping him bury another body.
- Reposted by Cap’n WatsisnameRolled my eyes and caught a gutter ball.
- Reposted by Cap’n WatsisnameI'm getting a federal subsidy to not farm my aura.
- Reposted by Cap’n WatsisnameI took a year off from this place for my mental health. Mental health is overrated.
- Reposted by Cap’n WatsisnameGuys, I'm really suffering. I've lost my voice so for the last few days I haven't been able to watch movies.
- Reposted by Cap’n Watsisname"The Cask of Amontillado" but I'm walling myself in.
- Reposted by Cap’n WatsisnameAsk not what the boys can do for you, ask if they are back in town.
- Reposted by Cap’n WatsisnameGo to a restaurant and order the world's gone mad, a secret menu item of despair and understanding you would never have at home but trust your public outbursts
- Reposted by Cap’n WatsisnameBeginning to understand why the kids were eating tide pods there for a bit.
- Reposted by Cap’n WatsisnameSwaddle my head and carry it against your chest like precious cargo while my body sits back at home in a tub of ice.
- Reposted by Cap’n WatsisnameIn the time it takes to understand time as a function of space you could have been a physics counselor running a little late to your own session in continuum therapy
- Reposted by Cap’n Watsisname*Groundhog Day pitch meeting* You know how some rodents are clairvoyant?
- Reposted by Cap’n WatsisnameAt this point, I won't even have ice in my drinks, let alone
- Reposted by Cap’n WatsisnameI asked the Duolingo owl to teach me the language of love and he called me a slur
- Reposted by Cap’n WatsisnameGasses: Sup bitches Noble Gasses: Good evening m'ladies
- Reposted by Cap’n WatsisnamePossibly terrifying, possibly good for the environment if literal: Applebees
- Reposted by Cap’n WatsisnameHas anyone ever spiraled into control?
- Reposted by Cap’n Watsisname*First day as a drug dealer*: "is Pepsi ok?
- Reposted by Cap’n WatsisnameLife is like a box of traffic circles 🏆👑 Congratulations @capnwatsisname.bsky.social from @jollyrobber.bsky.social 🏴☠️
- Reposted by Cap’n Watsisname
- Reposted by Cap’n WatsisnameAn alternate dimension where everyone has heat-ray vision and lives with the trauma of having blasted away their own eyelids.
