Alfons Mueller - Only-Fons
I'm a middle-aged, married, gay bear comedian sharing life’s quirks through stand-up. 🎤🐻 Grand Rapids, MI, with humor touching on marriage, corporate life & a bit of weightlifting. 🌈🎭 Email: only.fons.comedy@gmail.com
Next Shows: www.alfonsmueller.com
- Vom alten “Boots” zum “Re-Boots” – was lief, was nicht 😉. Morgen: “Comedy Bubbles” Stuttgart, 19:30. Fast aus-reserviert! Kommt vorbei! 🇩🇪✨ Sagt mir Goodbye! #ComedyBubbles #StuttgartComedy #GoodbyeDeutschland #StandUp
- Ich esse Frikadellensemmel und Pfälzer Saumagen und danach gibt’s mein letztes Deutschland-Set dieser Reise. 🕢 Morgen Sonntag • 08.02.2026 • 19:30 🎤 Comedy Bubbles 🎟️ Eintritt frei (Reservierung nötig) Das Finale. Punkt. #comedy #standup #comedybluesky #livecomedy #germancomedy
- Last chance 🇩🇪🎤 My last comedy show in Germany (for this visit) is happening this Sunday in Stuttgart. Come by, laugh with me, before I disappear back across the Atlantic. Comedy Bubbles · 7:30 PM #StandUpComedy #LiveComedy #LastShow #ComedyInGermany #Stuttgart
- 6 years ago I met the most amazing man. Robby is my best companion, safest place, favorite adventure, and biggest love. We’ve crossed countries, survived life, and built something steady in a crazy world. I love you. Ich liebe dich, Robby. 🤍 P.S. A day late — privileged white old man style.
- Stuttgart - Warmes Heimspiel im Reboots in Stuttgart! Alphabet Mafia 🌈 und Bären: kommt vorbei und schaut ob ich heftiger “b💣mbe” als gestern! Es wird ein Fest! 19:30 Uhr, Reboots Stuttgart! #Stuttgart #Comedy #StandUp #OnlyFons
- Was für ein Abend gestern bei Comedy Bubbles ✨ Tolles Publikum, richtig gute Energie – und ein neuer Joke für alle, die die Geschichte kennen. Mehr sag ich nicht. 👀🎤 #StandUpComedy #ComedyBubbles #NewJoke #LiveComedy #OnlyFons #Stuttgart #BadenWuerttemberg
- Tonight - next Show: In Stuttgart at Comedy Bubbles! 19:30 Uhr! Let’s have a Blast! And eat Döner afterwards! #Standup #Comedy #Stuttgart
- POV: You come back to Germany and immediately 🥨 eat butterbrezels 🧖♂️ get naked with strangers 🎤 explain why ICE is derailing the USA 📍 Stuttgart 🎭 Comedy Bubbles 🗓 Tomorrow & Monday Come for comedy. Stay for the European concern. 😌 #ComedyTok #GermanTok #Stuttgart #StandUpComedy #ExpatTok
- Sorry #AnnArbor - ICE fucks up more stuff: No show tonight! New Date will be communicated soon! Thank you for understanding!
- Quick 45s from last time at McDuffs. Midwest traffic really brings out people’s personalities. 🎤 Catch it live tonight at Turtle Cat Comedy 📍 Ann Arbor · 9PM · HereSay Brewing #Comedy #StandUp #LiveComedy #AnnArbor #Midwest
- Loved performing at 50 First Jokes in Ann Arbor 🎤 Short sets, sharp crowd, great way to start the year. This clip is about accents, identity, and finding your voice 🇩🇪🗣️ Catch me live next: 📅 Tuesday, Jan 6 🎭 Comedy at McDuff’s #standupcomedy #livecomedy #comedian #midwestcomedy #comedy
- New shows loading like a German train schedule 🚆 (except these will be late and emotionally disruptive) US gigs + 🇩🇪 Germany spoiler unlocked 👀 Come laugh, judge my accent, and watch me overshare live. 📍All dates & info: www.alfonsmueller.com/gigs #StandUp #Comic #OnlyFons #MidlifeCrisis
- And that’s my recap from #TikTok : 2025 was a fun year - more jokes to tell 2026! A lot of #StandUp , some #Influencer Stuff and a lot of People, Animals & Stuff (aka Basecaps) I love! Follow me there too: www.tiktok.com/@alfonsjmmue... #MiddlechildSyndrome
- 🎁🎄 Last Christmas present, I swear. I uploaded my newest stand-up set: 12 min of cheap jokes, an even cheaper Santa costume, & old man drag energy. Watch it on YouTube, leave a like, a comment or just money: 👉 www.youtube.com/watch?v=vnc7... www.instagram.com/reel/DSooVIR...
- 🎁 A Christmas present 🎁 For everyone who follows me, everyone who ended up here by chance, & the family members I forgot. 🎄 The full 12-minute old stand-up set from Brewery Outré is now on YouTube. 👉 youtu.be/vnc7ICYRAUI #ChristmasPresent #StandUpComedy #OldManDrag #QueerJoy #OnlyFons
- From red-hat feared gangster to your daddy’s Santa fantasy 🎅💦 Brewery Outré Comedy Show never misses - but this one came with extra jolly, extra ho-ho-hoes, and questionable Christmas morals. Old Man Drag season is officially OPEN. #StandUpComedy #Kalamazoo #OldManDrag #SantaClause #Comedy
- When the orange pus yam tweets about tragedy, I do what Germans do best: explain things. 🇩🇪💅 Tonight: the real meaning of “TDS.” Spoiler: it’s the hope that the Files gonna be released before the Dementia is deleting everything 🧠📱 #StandUpComedy #RobReiner #TDS #OnlyFons #despicable
- Blast from the Past ➡️ Blast into Tonight’s Show 💥 Flo’s Pizzeria, Belmont by North Kent Comedy Productions! 🍕 Dropping stupid jokes beside actual talent — and even PE teachers can’t bully this. 😎 🍕 Shared pizza knots + unsolicited German accent. #OnlyFons #StandUpComedy #BlueskyComedy #Michigan
- POV: You came for jokes, and I gave you UTI-in-cutie energy, famine-eating, poopbag Olympics & Amazon Fairy Day ✨💩 Also auditioning as the next Ozempic Before Photo. Wish me luck. 😂 #comedy #standup #onlyfons #gaytiktok #fyp #ozempic #utiincutie #bearsofbluesky
- When Thanksgiving/Family-, Friends-, Self- & even Bear-Giving says goodbye and Mobster-Xmas kicks the door in. Yes, I revealed the glitter tank. Yes, Old Man Drag is now seasonal. 🍂➡️🎄🔥 #OnlyFons #Comedy #StandUp #Funny #HolidaySeason
- As the news cycle tries to bury the Epstein Files under another “surprise” geopolitical crisis (hello, Venezuela), I offer a different distraction: A throwback to my ranking of future presidents by PWB: President With Benefits. #StandUp #comedy #satire #germanhumor #michiganlife #onlyfons
- West Michigan — after Thanksgiving, you’ll need a laugh. Good news: I’m at Dr. Grins on Nov 29th. Even better news: the entire flying-turkey promo was made with AI. 🎟️ GrinStix.com Come recover with comedy. #Comedy #StandUp #GrandRapids #ThanksgivingWeekend #WestMichigan
- The most self-censored clip I’ve ever posted — because apparently history, politics, and gay reactions don’t mix unless there’s a saxophone battle involved 🎷😏 The world’s gone wild! #Comedy #StandUpComedy #Satire #DarkHumor #TDS #OnlyFons #CancelCulture #WTF
- Small crowd. Big laughs. Turns out jokes can work — especially when you’re roasting yourself. 😏 Next Sat.: Saginaw, MI — Fat Steve Feeds the Kids! Bring food instead of cash. Let’s make comedy feed more. 🥫🎤 #ComedyForACause #MichiganComedy #Saginaw #StandUp #FatSteveFeedsTheKids #OnlyFons
- 🧛♂️ This Halloween, I unleashed my most haunting creation: Alfons the GER-MAN. Part satire, part horror story, all accent. If this post disappears, it’s not a ghost — it’s the shadowban. Like and repost to keep the monster alive. #StandUpComedy #Halloween #DarkComedy #GermanHumor #Comedy
- Wrestling’s newest villain enters comedy: All-Fotz the GER-MAN — 350 lbs of organized rage and golden paperwork. See him this Wednesday at River City Saloon, Grand Rapids. #Comedy #Wrestling #AllFotz #TheGerman #GrandRapidsComedy #AltComedy #StandUp
- New week, new set — straight from San Francisco. The full SF Eagle set is live on YouTube. youtu.be/85z4Ae5OB10 It’s equal parts cultural exchange, gay anthropology, and cheese science. 🧀 #Comedy #GermanComedian #StandUp #SFComedy #OnlyFons
- This Halloween season… laughter meets lucha. The mask is on, the jokes are sharp, and the Scary Migrant fights for your laughs. 🇩🇪💀 One mic. Four shows. Infinite chaos. #GERMANMAN #HalloweenComedy #LuchadorLaughs #ScaryMigrant #OnlyFons #MidwestComedy #StandUp #Comedy
- Did my first outdoor set at Bearrison Street Fair in San Francisco. Bears, sunshine, and a protest called No Kings. So I told them what we Germans did with ours. 🇩🇪 Call it comedy with historical context. #StandUp #Bearrison #Comedy #OnlyFons #GayComedian #NoKings
- Last night’s Grin & BEAR show was a riot — thank you @safewordscomedy for the mic and mayhem. Next: Bearrison Street Fair Mainstage, 2:30 PM today. German accent. Queer chaos. Public therapy disguised as comedy. #Comedy #BearrisonStreetFair #Standup #QueerComedian #GayBear #LGBTQComedy
- 🐻 The bears are dramatic, but the laughs are real. Catch me live at Comedy Oakland, Mushin 2.0, this Thursday Oct 16, 8PM! No drink minimums. No hidden fees. 📍Mushin 2.0 — 416 13th St, Oakland 🎟️ Tickets at ComedyOakland.com #ComedyOakland #OnlyFons #BayAreaComedy #StandUp #LiveComedy
- Half-hairy➡️Half-shaved🟰Fully committed. I’ve become the Gen X nonfluencer: my torso was worth investing in 🪒 Misunderstood def the assignment. 🗓️ This week: 3 shows in San Francisco (Thu–Sat) All Info: www.alfonsmueller.com #Comedy #Chubby #Chaser #BodyHair #SanFranciscoComedy #OnlyFons
- 🐂 Two bears 🦬. One train station 🚂. Zero mercy. KIDNEYSTONE = The Yellowstone × Brokeback Mountain mashup you didn’t ask for. 🤠 See the real chaos live: Bearrison Street Fair + Grin & BEAR @ SF Eagle Oct 17 + 18, SF! All Info: www.alfonsmueller.com #Comedy #Bearrison #OnlyFons #Yellowstone #StandUp
- 🧸 Kalamazoo — tonight gets thick, hairy & highly questionable. Testing new Bear Comedy material for #Bearrison Street Fair next week. 📍 Brewery Outrè Comedy 🕗 8 PM 🍺 Same gay, new testing ground. #StandUpComedy #BearCulture #OnlyFons #BlueskyBears #ChubbyChubbyChaser
- 🎥 Meet Gary, 52 — searching for love since VHS. 💔 He’s AI-generated, emotionally unavailable, and probably still rewinding his last breakup. But I’m real: on Oct 18 I’m coming to #Bearrison in SF to rock your stage (and maybe your daddy issues). 💅🇩🇪 #BearrisonStreetFair #GayComedy #OnlyFons #Sora2
- Solved the loneliness epidemic with one naughty German saying. And some dating App Advices! 📺 NEW on YouTube: my full 7-minute set from Ann Arbor’s Say What! Open Mic: 👉 Watch here: youtu.be/NrxWDwrULRc #StandupComedy #GermanComic #LonelinessEpidemic #MichiganComedy #OnlyFons
- Lost at “Kingpin of Comedy Semifinal.” 🎤👑 I brought Fat Bear Week 🐻🍩, Lederhosen drag 🧓🏻🇩🇪 & functional depression 😅💊… still no top 3. 🙃 More spiral fuel 🔄, more grind 💪🔥. #Comedy #StandUp #WorkInProgress #Lederhosen
- I gave Ann Arbor a crash course in cultural appropriation 🇩🇪: ✨ History isn’t a costume ✨ Postcard painters → birthday card painters 🎨 ✨ Banning the one pill that helps pregnancy? Ex-husband energy 💊 🎤 Tomorrow: King Pin Semifinals! Vote live 👉 alfonsmueller.com #Comedy #StandUp
