Rid Kock
She/her
Lo and behold I say as a jest
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Dadaist news satire account
- You're only a real Christian if you get on your knees for Jesus Christ, take his body into your mouth and taste his sacrament, stroke his blue jeans until you feel his hard crucifix beneath the denim, pull it out and gently massage his frenular delta with your tongue until his sacrifices the back of
- I have a deep repulsion to improv but there are exceptions if the people are genuinely funny and commit really well and don't give me Get Out vibes. Like Zach Oyama is cool
- Anyone named Ross or Bryan freaks me out, first or last name. Negative bonus points if they're tall. Ross Bryant is the freakiest of the freaks.
- "You have vote blue though even if you don't like the candidate" has never been a winning slogan but I'm sure it'll work for newsom
- I mean we could argue it worked for Biden because it was coming off the heels of Trump's incredibly unpopular first term, but that only bought us a single term before fascism bounced right back. Bernie would have won a second term.
- Imagine if biden shit his pants and it didn't even make the news because everyone was busy talking about the pedophilia cabal he was in
- Reposted by Rid Kockit's probably fine
- If you reply but didn't like the post I consider us fighting
- The best shows ever made were canceled and then reprised on another platform. Firefly, Community, Arrested Development, The Expanse, need I go on? (I actually don't know of any others oh wait X-Files kinda)
- Jeff Bezos has so much money that if he could take a million dollars, put in a pile cover it in gasoline, light on fire, not sure where I was going with this
- Apparently the beyblade community is super toxic
- I can't believe the yacht JK Rowling used to visit epstein Island so she could assault children and plot the destabilization of democracy by scapegoating trans people had the same name as the Buddhist hard-core band I did vocals for in my 20s
- As if people who would struggle with whistles aren't already wearing noise canceling headphones or ear plugs to deal with the normal amount of noise pollution already happening all the fucking time
- Last time on the OC: "I'm from chino hills man. It's rough out there. My parents weren't even in the epstein files."
- You're still trying to make Newsom happen when "the leader of antifa" is right there?
- Marked safe from falling for Will Stancil's redemption arc
- Reposted by Rid KockFollowing the release of the Epstein files Jk Rowling has deleted a decade of port logs belonging to the Super yacht Samsara. What is she hiding?
- Never forget when they gave he-man pronouns. I know I can't.
- Someone tried pointing out the hypocrisy with people's reaction to Chappell Roan's dress vs "Ye's wife" but couldn't even remember her name.
- Chappell Roan arrives at the #GRAMMYs red carpet.
- Reposted by Rid Kockreading your timeline like
- @cjzero.bsky.social if you’re stalking the Grammy broadcast, imma need a gif of Chappell Roan squinting at the teleprompter as a reaction gif ASAP 😂
- Reposted by Rid KockYou know I'm starting to think all these columns about the importance of preserving these "young, healthy breasts" were exactly what they sounded like
- As a pretty decent werewolf player I should have guessed this (and I did)
- Amelia Baedelia? The nanny?
- The feminine urge to fix broken appliances
- Leftists: Stop telling me to vote for a war criminal and let's take action! Leftists: no I'm not joining some shitlib Karen protest, call me when it's time for the general strike. Leftists: that's not a real general strike because not every union in the city has united behind a list of demands
- Wow they really named their ship contorted pinus
- Holden deserves to be captain of the Contorted Pinus, he is acting like one
- Dems: let's make it illegal to break the law
- I miss when men were men and women were semen and tv shows were tv shows with 23 episodes in a season and movies were movies where you didn't need to see the last 4 to know what's going on and mom would give me a kiss goodnight and if someone said 69 people said nice. Neighborliness
- BREAKING: Shattering; collapsing, fracturing. Splintering? Crumbling!
- BREAKING: your mom's back because you stepped on the crack. You really didn't think I'd notice? I could taste the baby powder. What really bothers me is if you needed money, you could have just asked. Instead you made me hurt an old woman. Moreover ICE must be given QR codes.
- Not interested in pursuing casual sex and struggling to find someone to pursue a relationship with, so sometimes my friends will ask "what do you do when you get horny" and it's like girl I quit hard drugs and cigarettes, my physical impulses have no power here
- BREAKING: Greg Bovino not actually a cow. And you'll never guess what we found out Tom Homan isn't. (Paywalled)
- BREAKING: woman gives birth to fully grown 38-year-old man. The next day the man asks "How can ICE be enforcing white nationalism if some of them are brown?" before melting into nickelodeon slime
- BREAKING: Greg Bovino adopts kiss/my/ass as ass neopronouns then scromits nazi piss all over assself after learning it contains water
- BREAKING: Kristi Noem has died to save gnomekind from sin. Turns out her name meant Gnome Christ.
- Reposted by Rid KockThey wore yellow stars to complain about vaccine mandates
- Does everyone wish they could send an invoice for emotional labor costs or is astrology real?
