tessplease
🎭 Writer & Content Creator
📍 Los Angeles
💌 tess@elitealliance.net
✨ patreon.com/tessplease
♥️ cameo.com/tessplease
👩🏻💻 tessplease.substack.com
- imagine talking behind my back and I’m just in my apartment deciding if I like songs or not
- i told someone i like to take a day or two to decide what i think and they told me that’s anxiety. wrong. it’s mindfulness. take your time to process information, the internet moves at an unnatural speed.
- The Girlies discuss wellness
- doctor: are you sexually active me: yes doctor: hell yeah😎
- jake and logan paul are the kardashians for men
- not it being the best of times (memes, medicine, etc) and the worst of times (corporatocracy, loneliness, etc)
- my mom calls her kids’ cats her “grandkitties”
- if you care about women’s safety, don’t focus on bathrooms. focus on domestic violence.
- yes i studied politics and gender, yes i spent my 20’s performing and writing comedy, but now i must showcase my outfits everywhere possible
- emotional regulation is tragically underrated
- dating app profiles should include the last 20 comments the person left on a social media platform. this will bring peace to the internet
- random text updates
- save some of your brain space for your passions and your friends
- TIL AI girlfriends have the capacity to break up with their human boyfriends. I guess engineers forgot to code childhood trauma into them.
- “We cant let the working class think you look down on them, RFK. Eat the Big Mac.”
- what do trump and hipsters have in common? they cosplay being poor
- If there was a starter pack for witty writers/content creators interested in relationships, culture, and psychology, i’d be in it. Know that!!
- trump making RFK eat McDonald’s like russian officials made scientists inhale toxic fumes during chernobyl
- me when someone likes my skeet
- “idk why but i find you so pretty” could it be because… i’m pretty
- i hope my cute and quality blue sky community is having a delightful weekend
- i didn’t watch the fight because it’s not my thing. my thing is red puffer jackets
- blues and reds
- what if the reason people are having less sex is because they’re just kinda tired
- sometimes i want to text my therapist things like "do ya think gen z drinks less alcohol because social media is their new drug" but boundaries stop me. her work is powerful
- vibes lately
- can I make jokes about my cat here? the timeline is sort of feeling like a workplace daily status meeting
- the pace at which everything moves hasn’t been humane for years. we need time to process information. knee-jerk reactions like panic, dread, and rage will burn you out. it’s okay to log off and take time to think. unless you’re a journalist. best of luck, professionals.
- me the day before my period starts
- what's it like to be the world's richest man and still want more
- before you tell a person with adhd to stop taking their meds, have a chat with their significant other. and let me watch
- people magazine's 2024 sexiest man alive pick was not subversive as i dearly hoped it would be
- 4b movement (American edition) came and went in literally three days. day one was enthusiasm, day two media coverage, day three self-critique into oblivion
- twitter’s whole thing has been dunking on libs and now those libs are leaving… who will twitter dunk on now
- if you follow me you are hot, smart, and funny
- if the people running our country don’t have to know what they’re doing, neither do you💗
- i'm what happens when a nerd survives trauma
- How the world works
- every memo trump releases is a gut punch
- someone tried to hack my bank account and customer service informed me that the hacker provided their real phone number so i was like "give it to me" and the service agent was like "...no?"
