Christian Polanco
Stand-up Comedian
⚽️: @soccercooligans.com
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- La voz! Honored to chat with @raecomm.bsky.social. It's like the video game was talking directly to me. 😅
- Luther Vandross??
- Sin vergüenza. 🤮 Stitch: @minnmax.com
- Tom said, "I'm disgusted by ICE's behavior, so that's why I am voting to give them a fuck ton of money."
- Cops seeing federal agents shoot people in the street:
- shame no longer exists
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- "Make Heaven Crowded" is a bar tho
- Not many better ways to spend a Sunday afternoon.
- that mf under that mask
- Reposted by Christian Polanco"It wasn't murder, and if you say it was murder we will kill you, which again will not be murder."
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- this is what a dictatorship looks like
- Reposted by Christian Polancoamazing how the entire machine can pivot within 24 hours. no need to slowly upsell the argument; just issue new marching orders
- Fun fact about me. When I was in junior high school, I went on a field trip to the prison where Nicolas Maduro is being detained.
- Not sure about you guys, but I expect a little bit more of the inaugural FIFA Peace Prize award winner than attacking a sovereign country in the middle of the night and kidnapping its sitting president. That’s just me tho.
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- ayo Santa, this is not what I wanted for Christmas! 😭 #NYCFC
- DOJ redacting the Epstein files
- Make it make sense. 😒 #utft
- bro whatever is in them Epstein files must be CRAZY.
- NBA Cup > NBA Finals I have always said this.
- Well, this was fun. 🤩
- Movie you’ve watched more than six times with a gif. Hard mode: no Stars (Wars nor Trek), LOTR, or Marvel, Disney Animated or Pixar. Scott Pilgrim is a perfect film imo. Fantastic script. Next to no wasted moments or dialogue. Good jokes. Great cameos. A fun movie that I could never get bored of.
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- Not like this. 😔 #nycfc
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- I’m at my niece’s 1st birthday party while also watching Inter Miami vs NYCFC. The pink birthday theme feels like betrayal. 😭🗽 #MLSCupPlayoffs
- Micheal Keane played better after getting slapped. #UTFT
- Idrissa Gana Gueye sent off for slapping the shit out of his own teammate 13 minutes into a Premier League match. 😲 #Everton
- me watching Maxi Moralez play soccer:
- this is so funny
- my hot take is that qualifying for the world cup is more exciting than the world cup. i will not be taking any questions on this matter unless you ask me questions and then i will probably answer them
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- this has been on repeat all weekend. I loved visiting Ireland. The people are so awesome. I hope they make it to the World Cup. 🍀
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- People emailed Jeffrey Epstein with the comfort and candor of writing in their diary.
- So…just starve the population?? That’s the policy??
- Omg the 5000 word think-piece I was about to write about Nico Fernandez Mercau for not passing that ball to Alonso Martinez. 😂 #nycfc
- make it make sense, Poch 😕
- Reposted by Christian PolancoThank you, New York City. Together we made history. Now let’s get to work. transition2025.com
- ZOHRAN WINS!!
- Very sad to see ANY positive Dick Cheney commentary on my timeline. We are not being collectively mean enough. 😔
- CHRISTIAN POLANCO COST OF LIVING CLASSIC 2025 | HIGHLIGHTS SKILLS JOKES 4K ⚽🎤| @zohrankmamdani.bsky.social @soccercooligans.com
- For like 2 whole days, I thought "Kalshi" was "Kashi," and was wondering why a cereal company was getting so involved in the NYC mayoral election.
- this man is carrying Everton this season
