chris.
Horrors and hot dogs.
she/they
Latest
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Random
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- Cat or mushroom?
- Look, I know we're all anxious weasels in a sack here on this site right now, but don't think coming after me for going to Harvard — a place I hated and now do everything I can to undermine — is going to be a winning tactic in an effort to change me
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- ive never been the main character. might be time for me to post some absolute bullshit discourse that gets me cancelled. let's see... um, babies should be required to fly in the luggage compartment. you should have to prove you need disability benefits with a cool rap. kittens are just fuzzy rats
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- [post-apocalypse] “Great to be here folks. My name’s Tough and Stringy Meat. Who all’s from the Giant Wasteland? Anyone?” [silence] “How about the Vast Plane of Fire? I hear it’s warm there this time of year, haha.” [long pause] FROM THE BACK: Let’s eat him! “Hahaha remember the name.”
- she let me hit it because i whipped out my pocket simon for an incredible display of lights, sounds, dexterity, and short term memory
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- It feels worth saying that the thing that unifies men as disparate as Noam Chomsky, Deepak Chopra and Trump is patriarchy. Patriarchy, hatred of women, and the need to dominate them, persists across race and class status. Left movements refuse a robust analysis of persisting gender violence.
- Hope the next pandemic just makes my head swell super fast and explode like a balloon But also painlessly because I'm a huge wuss. And instead of goo, it's sparkles
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- Having claws sounds cool until you go to pick your nose and end up Wolverine-ing your frontal lobe
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- Feeling very Unaccomplished at my rapidly advancing middle age
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- I’m one of the good space reptilians not one of the satanic pedophile serpents from the deep sea
- If I die, I want my remains to be scattered at the US Capitol. Do not cremate me.
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- We gotta come up with a better system than “everything rests on whether these twelve billionnaires are nice”
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- Wearing a slinky like a boa while throwing myself down the stairs.
- ate so much protein my poop cannonballed thru the floor into my neighbor’s lap
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- I know that I could never chop up a body with an axe should I ever need to dispose of a corpse. It’s not that I’m squeamish or anything, I just lack the necessary upper body strength.
- This bitch...
- it must be annoying to be a 90 year old Republican congressman and have to pretend like you know what's going on anymore. you got into politics to pass laws giving out tax breaks for every horse you own but your groyper staffers are like "you need to condemn a new YA novel about bottom surgery"
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- You'd be prettier if you smiled, Bluesky
- The abyss called. That's enough. With all the yelling.
- Getting a crow to read my emails and explain them to me
- sometimes a quote post is so bad detaching it isn’t enough i need them to be attacked by bees
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- Oh sure, everyone likes the weird girl when they want to get rid of a curse
- I’m really good at giving lost people directions. I just tell them to drive into the sea
- I've graduated from basic bitch to advanced bitch ask me how
