Alicia Andrzejewski (she/her)
assistant prof. of Shakespeare | book: “queer pregnancy in Shakespeare’s plays” | proud CUNY alum | bylines: Chronicle, Boston Globe, LA Review of Books, Electric Lit, Catapult, American Theatre, LitHub, Huffington Post, etc
aliciaandrzejewskiphd.com
- the final vote on my tenure case is this Friday. despite my husband’s sense we should do something “monumental” like “go to New Zealand” if it’s finalized, all I’ve asked for is steaks & a fancy salad at home. it’s been a very long process. I’m too tired for New Zealand.
- my cat got spayed today & she’s struggling & I just keep thinking about if a surprise surgery was sprung on me & I just woke up in a weird pink outfit. I don’t know why she hasn’t murdered me yet. but it’s probably coming.
- life of a showgirl
- someone once told me the grief of their son leaving for college was worse than the grief of losing his wife to cancer, because he prepared & had more support for the latter. he was shell shocked when his son left. I think of this every time my daughter wants to cuddle or play.
- I told him recently that I’ll never forget what he said to me, & that his words made me a better mother.
- I always think about being in group therapy & a woman said she had a troubled relationship with her father until she realized she was relating to the dad she wished he would be—not him. once she accepted him as he was, it was easier—“but I still had to grieve that imaginary dad.”
- never expected to have such an intimate exchange with an Amazon representative, but I’m into it.
- I know I say this a lot but my students honestly keep me going. they’re so smart & open to learning. they make me a better scholar & person. seeing them three days a week is one of the best things in my life. being a teacher—you just can’t beat it.
- today I walked into my queer Shakespeare class & said, “welcome to our unit on lesbians” & everyone cheered. doing the Lord’s work.
- I’m planning to surprise my daughter on Thursday by picking her up from school early & taking her to the nail salon because I, a professor, want her to know that now & then it’s OK to play hooky.
- also I want her to know her mom is really cool.
- it occurs to me that some of my students are reading the texts I assigned for class right now, as am I. & I’m excited because I believe the readings I assign are a pleasure, in this case Anne Carson’s translation of Sappho’s poetry & a Donne poem. I so hope they’re enjoying them.
- these are a few of my favorite things.
- official course objective for my course on “bad” mothers in literature: “create arguable theses about literary texts” secret course objective: to realize when a mother (including yourself) needs resources & community & support. docs.google.com/document/d/1...
- goals for February: read things, grade things, write things. submit copy edits for my book. finish up article where I interview Jodi Picoult. stay sober. cuddle my daughter. go to yoga regularly. take walks. meditate for just five minutes a day. socialize. be a good person.
- if you’re going to teach the sonnet form to students, make sure you also teach contemporary authors like Claude McKay who do beautiful work with this traditional, constrained form. it’s very moving to teach this sonnet asking the question: who is the speaker’s beloved?
- whenever I’m severely depressed Macbeth’s famous line, “tomorrow, and tomorrow, and tomorrow” rings in my head. when you know the emphasis is on the “ands” it makes it so much more bleak. sometimes it feels like the days just won’t stop coming.
- I knew my daughter’s 3rd grade teacher was a football fan, but damn.
- I went to USPS to mail a package & a woman in the back yelled out, “I don’t know how to pronounce your last name but you’re at [my address], right?” I was floored. I asked her how many people on her route she had memorized & she said, “all of them.” protect & pay these workers.
- I told my mom I’m struggling with my weight & she bought fitness bands for us both—“I’ll reimburse you the subscription.” she ended her message with, “we’re on this journey together.” I know they get a bad rap—but god bless the fixers in our lives. I’m so excited to try it out.
- it so cute how my eight-year-old daughter exchanges toys, trifles, & trinkets with her best friend. she always comes home with little figurines, bracelets, nail polish—today it was jewels for her crocs. there is really nothing more intimate & luxurious than female friendship.
- y’all encouraged me.
- I remember the first time a female professor set a boundary with me. she told me it really should be my (male) advisor looking at the work I sent her. I was furious—I felt so entitled to her time. but now that I’m on the other side I get it. we expect so much more from women.
- my daughter isn’t feeling well so I introduced her to The Price is Right—healing sick kids since 1972.
- sometimes I worry I’m a bad mother but then I remember this memoir I read where evangelical parents would fake the rapture happening, hiding from their kids & watching them panic—& I feel like I’m doing OK.
- I can’t find the interview but I remember Catherine O’Hara saying something like, “life is dark. it’s hard to adult & be an adult. but if you can laugh in the face of the darkness it makes it bearable.” there are few better feelings in this world than the laughs she gave us.
- some of my enemies are successful people, but are they cited in the Merriam Webster dictionary?
- y eight year old can message from her iPad. please, god, may she always be “excited” to cuddle me.
- proof of life (& premodern lesbians). what a gift to get to teach the texts I do.
- I think getting tenure is like beating the “elite four” in Pokémon (only it’s more than four; ten letters have been written for me). once it’s official the world is open to me to still work or play, but the “game” is over. I’m excited to leisurely catch Pokémon, metaphorically.
- every semester I have an honors student writing a thesis I offer to get together with them & write. it’s my sneaky way of getting my own writing done—but also helps hold them accountable for writing it all along the way. I really love it.
- my mom just sent me this picture 2020, a new assistant professor. with a 3 year old, no less. & now I’m about to get tenure. I really did it.
- it was honor to live through Obama’s two elections & his presidency. I’m not saying he was perfect, but I can’t imagine being younger & only ever knowing American politics with Trump at the center.
- the first time he was elected I was a TA at a PWI but I distinctly remember one of my Black students, wearing an Obama t-shirt, embodying the saying “bouncing off the walls.” it was an amazing moment in history.
