i think if i had come out and started earlier, i wouldn't be so scared to go "all in" tho, bc i'd still have been a kid, i'd have time to grow into it starting as an adult in small con/servative town where everyone knows me as a woman has made it harder for me to commit all the way

i've kept my dose low the whole time, so that my changes have been slow and less noticeable (tho very clearly still there, my voice is much different, but still not as masc as it could be 😔😩) i say i WANT to be androgynous to make myself feel better, its nice i can look masc or fem on any given day

but i see guys way further along that are much younger than me,,, with their muscles and their body hair and their top surgery and i'm like DAMN i wish that were me RIGHT NOW!!! 😫 the exact same way i felt at 16 when i first saw trans guys sharing their before and after photos on tumblr ahdhsj

i shouldn't be jealous, at least i'm finally on my journey, i'll hopefully get to the place i want to be, 3 years feels like a long time, but it's really not that much in the grand scheme progress just feels slow but thats really my own fault, i'm too anxious about judgement where i live and my job