Crustfundbabies
Just here for the jokes
- Reposted by CrustfundbabiesCulture is chock full of gods and ghosts, language the drift of the spirit away from the meat and bones of its origin.
- Reposted by Crustfundbabies[dabbing perfume on my neck] This could be the night when the Abyss gazes back into me.
- Reposted by CrustfundbabiesAfter an intense examination of the premises I found my missing cup of coffee in the shower.
- When people take more than 3 seconds to hang up after saying Ok Bye I’m like
- If you’re not coming with that, “Let’s drink Cabernet until our lips turn purple” energy, you should definitely ring the New Year in with someone else.
- Reposted by CrustfundbabiesI went into an extremely crowded store. I had a cart and there was nowhere to push it and nowhere to put it and nowhere to stop and look. When I went to the next store, I did not get a cart. Freedom washed over me. Zipping through crowds, light on my feet, an unencumbered sprite.
- Reposted by CrustfundbabiesHear me out: The Gronkch
- Reposted by Crustfundbabies“I’d like to add you to my professional network on LinkedIn”
- “I’d like to add you to my professional network on LinkedIn”
- Reposted by Crustfundbabiespls miss me with the rigamarole
- Thinking I’m going to get fired for being sassy and snarky in an email, then realizing I actually just sound matter-of-fact, logical, and polite after reading it again is top Virgo behavior.
- Reposted by CrustfundbabiesA few years ago I saw someone say that dating someone with ADHD is like microdosing Wikipedia and I’m still recovering from that wound
- Reposted by CrustfundbabiesI'm not a hermit because I don't understand people, I'm a hermit because I do
- My ears feel like they spontaneously spurt blood every time I click on a review video someone turned into ASMR. I hate them SO much. They make me want to bash my head against a wall and rip the remaining fragments of my brain out of my skull.
- Reposted by CrustfundbabiesTHIS NIGHTMARE WILL BE IN FULL COLOR
- Reposted by CrustfundbabiesThey should make cat toys that the cat can actually disembowel, like lil plushie intestines can spill out of the cat toy
- Reposted by Crustfundbabies
- Reposted by CrustfundbabiesRaising Arizona.
- Reposted by Crustfundbabies[This post could not be retrieved]
- Reposted by CrustfundbabiesSomeone mispronounced 'gamut' on a podcast I was listening to the other day and I'm still mad about it
- My neutered cat has a new nickname (Horn Dawg) and a new girlfriend (super fluffy blanket) I sit here giggling at my little Lothario and his discovery of this newfound and pointless pleasure.
- Reposted by CrustfundbabiesNext Halloween I'm handing out Zippo lighters.
- Reposted by CrustfundbabiesI have several social media accounts that by themselves could pass the age verification process. And my mobile phone number is from the 1900s.
- Reposted by Crustfundbabies“omg gloves made out of paper towels” -me, stoned and eating chicken wings
- Reposted by CrustfundbabiesHow timezones affect social media perceptions
- Reposted by CrustfundbabiesBy the tapping of my thumbs, Something wiki'd this way comes.
- Reposted by CrustfundbabiesTerry: 🖤🤍 📸unknown.
- Reposted by CrustfundbabiesME: *explaining my symptoms to a doctor* it feels like my body is full of 10,000 snakes, all hissing at each other. sometimes one bites another, and that part of me is lost MY DOCTOR, WHO IS 10,000 SNAKES IN A LAB COAT: yesss yesssss, thiss isss all very normal for humansssss
- Reposted by Crustfundbabiesit’s the inner Cheech in me that sees the inner Chong in you
- Reposted by CrustfundbabiesStop hating on lazy people. We didn't even do anything.
- Reposted by CrustfundbabiesThe idea is to just keep scrolling on your phone until you die.
- Reposted by Crustfundbabies[Trying to sleep] Brain: Brain: Brain: Brain: Brain: Brain: ᶜᵃˡˡ ʲᵍ ᵂᵉⁿᵗʷᵒʳᵗʰ ⁸⁷⁷ ᶜᵃˢʰ ⁿᵒʷ
- Reposted by CrustfundbabiesNo one: Teenage boys walking out the barbers:
- Reposted by CrustfundbabiesI liked your ambiguously worded post because I know exactly what you’re talking about (there is an 80% chance I am wrong).
- Reposted by CrustfundbabiesIf at first you don’t succeed, lay down and let the forest absorb you.
- Airport workers know that behind every brand new car wrapped with a HUGE red bow in the parking lot at Christmas, there’s a cheating spouse just begging for forgiveness.
- Reposted by CrustfundbabiesUpdate: In a perfect Monday denouement, it turns out I ruined my entire weekend worrying about something that took 10min to fix.
- Reposted by Crustfundbabieslegitimately
- Reposted by CrustfundbabiesHow the Grinch Got His Groove Back
- Reposted by CrustfundbabiesHow the Grinch Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Bomb
- Reposted by CrustfundbabiesSKULL OF THOMAS AQUINAS: TAKE A LEFT NOW PRIEST: No, the GPS says we have to keep going— SKULL: I KNOW A SHORTCUT PRIEST: Do you remember the last ti— SKULL: FOR THOSE WITH FAITH, NO EVIDENCE IS NECESSARY; FOR THOSE WITHOUT IT, NO EVIDENCE WILL SUFFICE
- Reposted by CrustfundbabiesI thought I was mad, but it was just because I had on a winter coat with a shoulder strap purse.
- Reposted by CrustfundbabiesSlay the dragon? Nah Baby gorl, Dragon gonna Slay!
- Is it a guilty pleasure for someone who’s 5’2” to have a new obsession for watching videos of taller people struggling to jump on & off their new extra-tall platform beds they added both a box spring and mattress to? Because my tiny lil’ cackling ass doesn’t feel guilty at all. Welcome to our world
- Reposted by CrustfundbabiesShare a Witch with good style. 🧙♀️👗
- Reposted by Crustfundbabiesshare a witch with good style. 🧙♀️👗
- Reposted by CrustfundbabiesNot many left on the shelves this year
- Reposted by CrustfundbabiesI’ve worked in public libraries for 20 years, today was the first time we’ve had to tell someone they couldn’t bring their chainsaw in the library.
- Reposted by Crustfundbabieshey, people in my phone in my hand, can you help me find my phone
- Reposted by CrustfundbabiesShare a witch with good style 🧙🏻♀️
- Reposted by CrustfundbabiesShare a witch with good style 🧙👗
- Reposted by Crustfundbabies281-330-8004 hit Mike Jones up on the low cause Mike Jones about to blow!
- Reposted by Crustfundbabiesadam and the ants had a pet anteater not many know this
- My definition of insanity is sending me multiple messages in Messenger that I never even open or read and expecting a different result.
- Reposted by Crustfundbabiestherapist: what’s on your mind me: my kindness hasn’t killed a single person so what is that about
- Share a Witch with good style. 🧙♀️👗
- Reposted by CrustfundbabiesShare a Witch with good style. 🧙♀️👗
- Reposted by CrustfundbabiesI'm afraid I have only two emotions left. Loathing and nausea.
- Reposted by Crustfundbabieswe don’t want robots to help the police, we want robots to give us uppies from the couch to our bed when we’re sleepy
- Reposted by CrustfundbabiesAutocorrect changed myself to toy elf and I think that's awesome.
