Ceejay
🏳️⚧️ - This is where I go to have feelings and stuff. I put my kink art on @pooltoy.art
icon by @synthosad.bsky.social
- A version of me I once was would roll my eyes at how ameteur and shitty my art looks right now, and feel like my attempts at expressing myself are me being pretentious. Weird how I'm wired to feel shame about my emotions, scared that I might somehow be embarrassed about it in the future
- Fugue State
- The way that the actual fight song of the miami dolphins activated in my head like a sleeper agent #ball
- It's crazy how you sorta get raised to be a fan of a team even if it's just cause you're watching it along with your family! And then the team becomes total dogshit for years LMAO
- HEy is it a girl thing to do art to feel better because im noticing a pattern lol
- When the impostor syndrome is sus!!!!!!!!!!!!
- It's so crazy that people will try to pass off AI art as their own and I will feel like a fraud all day for borrowing someone else's technique or drawing my own version of something they did
- Complete skill issue on my part but I was able to go about 3 minutes of being awake before checking this app and remembering why I've been sad these past few days
- God I wish I could nuke all my profiles and start over
- "I'm in my crying phase, ha ha," She tells herself reassuringly, tears welling up for the same reason as the night previous. The same image enters her mind, of her vulpine body exploding off of her into thin strands of fur and dust, revealing a jet black feminine form, null and blank and beautiful.
- My stupid masculine identity that was already on thin ice to begin with was talkin real big game about how long they're gonna hold out only to crumble in less than 2 months
- It is so much easier to just be a woman. who still has some gay/guy vibes or whatever
- My sickness of the past week is clearing up, but the fatigue is catching up with me... Literally just been resting in bed with a glass of water
- I also let myself get in a horrible mood but I'm climbing out of it. I guess it's bittersweet that I'm older and can see myself so much clearer. But it's hard to ignore the negatives of being Ceejay. I have made a lot of mistakes and selfish decisions leading up to this moment.
- Hoping that soon I will fully get over myself and amend certain things with certain people and fully, truly get over myself with others. Now that I'm just working on art all the time and not actively falling apart, I can start thinking about stuff like this with patience
- Perhaps I felt I did not belong in the art world because my own analytical eye did not see what I was doing as art. It was a product with effort. I have been spending a lot of time learning what art means to me personally, and how to make it, and how to express myself beyond porn
