this is not a humble brag, more about my eternal despair, but: I know people mean it as a compliment when they leave comments on my fanfics saying "you should be a published author" & "if you aren't published by now I'd be shocked" but I have to tell you it causes me immense guilt and woe, etc

like it's nice to have total strangers believe in my ability as a writer but nobody saying that knows that I feel like a failure for getting my BA in creative writing. nobody knows I've applied to my county library system 75+ times and never gotten a job. I failed to get into a MFA program 3 times!

my creative writing 'talent' is simultaneously the only finely honed 'skill' I have and also a Sisyphean yoke around my neck. I have been consistently sharing my writing with the world for over a decade but no, I'm not a published author. I have not been successful. and it haunts me every single day

I know it's not logical to ask people appreciating my work from afar to realize that pain, I'm just venting for a minute because of this burden I carry. my writing is all that I have to offer to the world and yet it does not provide a life for me. it has never been Enough. the mental turmoil is vast

I'm so glad I unknowingly posted this deeply personal crashout post at the same moment as the official good omens account posted a new teaser for S3. because of course 🤦‍♀️ the endless laugh track of my life