Your New Dad
I'm your new stepdad, sport.
- The Republican Party is at war with gun ownership. The Republican Party has always hated guns. Anyone who owns guns is anti-republican. Do not believe your eyes or ears or your own false memories. Republicans have always been anti-gun. Only commies like or own guns.
- You know it's funny, I do normal people shit like read, make art, work with my hands, and pay my employees fairly, and I'm a genuinely happy person. Maybe try that instead of rich people shit like giving money to monstrous pedophiles, hanging out with monstrous pedophiles, and cheating laborers.
- Curling is the most beloved winter sport because it's the only one where people over 35 can watch it and realistically be like "I could probably do that". If you think you could compete in anything else you are massively deluded. You would die in that bobsled. Like first turn your head comes off.
- As a feminist I can unequivocally say my most prized possession is my wife.
- I'm sorry. I'm sorry. This joke is so 2008. I'm trying to delete it.
- Usha Vance is pregnant. Crazy she hasn't learned to put a towel down before sitting on the furniture.
- This is one HELL of a way to wake up. Cops shining flashlights in your face: "WAKE UP IT'S THE POLICE" "AAAAAAH!!!!!" Cops: "Congratulations, you have a new kidney." "OMG you scared the shit out... Wait WHAT?"
- Surely Donald Trump, the conman who spent the last 60 years stiffing everyone who worked for him, won't stiff ME, the illiterate white trash who can't read a contract but is voluntarily joining the gestapo.
- To recap, ICE agents: - are living in filth because there's no maids at the hotels they trash - eat cold canned food because restaurants won't serve them - aren't being paid - don't receive benefits - will never see the 5 year signing bonus - their boss has pocketed billions of dollars LMAO
