Claudia
Pocket sized for convenience
- Reposted by Claudiai think if you want to have those disgusting LED headlights on your car, you should have to do a test where they blast you point blank with your own headlights and then you have 15 seconds to successfully complete some sort of vision-based task, and if you can't do it they push your car off a cliff
- I’m at the point in my cycle where I’m gonna cry at everything
- Reposted by Claudiawhen another bad thing happens in your life but you’re used to it
- How this email finds me
- What’s that? You’ve some time off work? Perfect time to injure yourself by merely existing
- Reposted by ClaudiaEvery single time I open Facebook I regret it immediately
- Reposted by Claudia20 likes on twitter: I'm an idiot, a loser, a fraud, universally despised 20 likes on bluesky: well well well look who's Queen Bitch of Fuck Mountain
- I am ‘I bought a nice mug with my birthday money’ years old
- Reposted by ClaudiaThe perfect breakfast in bed
- Reposted by ClaudiaI've been sleeping with my feet outside of the blankets every night in hopes I would be finally dragged into hell.
- Reposted by Claudiafilling my weekly pill organizer with hopes and dreams
- Reposted by Claudia*throws caution to the wind* *gets covered in caution*
- Reposted by ClaudiaThat feeling when you finally turn on the heating.
- Reposted by ClaudiaWould be endlessly helpful if everyone got their name tattooed on their face
- Woke up to a foxy visitor in my garden
- When you tell your kids something that they already know but didn’t
- It’s how you make your peace inside yourself knowing this
- Reposted by ClaudiaI would have left Kevin Home Alone too.
- Send this to your coworker for them to wonder if it’s them or someone else
- It’s choose your adventure day. Turn to page 6. You’ve fallen off a cliff. Turn to page 11. Every stranger tells you their life story. Turn to page 19. You win the lottery then you die the next day. Turn to page 71. It’s Monday everyday forever
- Reposted by Claudiasalt-n-pepa: *nod approvingly*
- Reposted by ClaudiaIf nothing else a Facebook account is a great way of reminding yourself why you don't make the effort to meet up with family and old friends anymore.
- Reposted by ClaudiaDuring the night one of our cats has got into this pack of cheese topped bread rolls and eaten the cheese off the top
- Reposted by ClaudiaAll names for impromptu sex around the house.
- Reposted by Claudia
Still thinking about #CelebrityTraitors - Reposted by ClaudiaFriday.
- Reposted by ClaudiaNumber of cats I own: 0 Number of cats fighting in my living room: 2
- Reposted by ClaudiaOkay I was wrong there are Two problems with Mastodon
- Reposted by ClaudiaI guess we know where he got off.
- Reposted by Claudiaif your whole day has already been a mess, have you considered a shower beer?
- Reposted by ClaudiaAdagio for chasing strings
- Reposted by ClaudiaIf this app doesn’t work I’m going back to ruining my life locally
- Reposted by ClaudiaDid it hurt? When you ordered Chinese for yourself but they included 3 forks and fortune cookies?
- Reposted by Claudia“It’s not a competition” - losers
- 𝙿̶𝚕̶𝚊̶𝚝̶𝚘̶𝚘̶𝚗̶ Catoon (1986)
- Extra points for spotting the voyeur up above
- Deer whispering in my spare time
- People go to therapy to cope with people who should
- My new office space has terrible wifi but I really don’t mind at all
- Finding new friends in your 40’s
- Reposted by ClaudiaTwo packs of Doritos falling from a vending machine are some of my fondest childhood memories.
- Reposted by ClaudiaThe man next to me has cologne so strong that I’m dizzy with hallucinations, plus all those mushrooms I took.
- Reposted by ClaudiaThis email could have been an unsent draft
- Reposted by ClaudiaEvening walk. Kingfisher out and about. Light was fairly low and this is cropped a little. #birds #photography
- Reposted by ClaudiaThinking about Christmas presents for my wife. Does anyone know what it smells like?
- Reposted by ClaudiaNobel Peace of shit Prize
- Reposted by Claudiaⓘ this user is suspected of having tea with squirrels, please report any suspicious behavior
- Reposted by ClaudiaWhen I die, I'll be doing nothing, so people can say that at least I died doing what I love.
- Reposted by Claudia“I don’t need to wear deodorant” ~ people who need to wear deodorant
- Reposted by ClaudiaYeah, it doesn’t look quite right as cabs go, but this is no way to boost its confidence.
- Just followed a bunch of random people on here so let’s see how this goes *glances over glasses* I appear to have made a few grave mistakes
- Reposted by ClaudiaDespite the wonky horizon, this is the best photo I've ever taken. I love the vanishing point into the mist as the sun was burning through. It's the underside of the Humber Bridge in Hull and is a common pic that has been taken many times by locals but the weather that day was perfect for my pic.
- Try real life interactions instead by following random people in the street to see if they say anything funny while they pepper spray you
- Social media in the 90’s was finding a porno mag in the woods
- Reposted by Claudia[Not loaded yet]
- Reposted by ClaudiaPeople over 40 watching birds at the bird feeder
- Reposted by Claudiawhen you totally misread the vibe
- Reposted by ClaudiaI never finish anything. I have a black belt in partial arts.
- Reposted by Claudia[This post could not be retrieved]
- Reposted by Claudia"Some of them aren't cunts", was the best I could come up with when asked to say something positive about colleagues in today’s team meeting.
- Reposted by Claudiano i don’t want to “hang out” i only want to be perceived two sentences at a time by strangers on the internet
- Reposted by ClaudiaA haunted house but it’s just someone saying “Let’s go around the room and share one fun fact about ourselves.”
- Reposted by ClaudiaSurprise a beautiful person today by disagreeing with them.
- Reposted by ClaudiaWatching the last plane of freedom take off from the U.S… cause I spent all my money on Halloween candy instead of a ticket
- Reposted by Claudia"are you going to be ok?" no i am going to be weird, just like yesterday
- Reposted by Claudiawhenever i hear a baby crying i’m like yeah man i get it
- Reposted by Claudia"I came into money," I whisper to the cashier while handing them a sticky thousand dollar bill.
