Sarah
Formerly funny on Twitter. Chaotic good. The best ex girlfriend. Your friend’s older sister who taught you how to smoke. Forever a Cool Teen™️ I eat cake in the car.
I’m here now but I’m not happy about it
- Added “Catherine O’Hara is dead but Donald Trump is still alive” to my ‘Proof There is No God’ list
- The list is getting pretty long fam
- Last year at this time I was awaiting spine surgery, completely gorked out on pain meds and utterly oblivious to anything happening in the world outside of myself and my pain and I miss that so much
- Being a sentient being is exhausting
- If you ever feel like you’re a bad person who is failing at life just remember that there are people who support ICE so you’re doing great sweetie🫶
- Does anyone know if 2026 has a 14 or 30 day return policy, because I would like to exchange it for a new year, this one came broken
- It’s never the right corrupt dictator president who refuses to leave office getting snatched outta his bed and hauled away in the middle of the night 🙃
- Merry Christmas to firstborn daughters and literally nobody else
- I just feel like no one at the post office even cared that I was wearing a 1989 A/W archival Comme des Garçon full length wool cape over the pajamas I’ve had on for 3 days
- This is the cape
- Last night I met a guy and when he told me he was from Ireland I said “I love your exits,” ya girl has still fuckin got it
- The internet is mostly trash but watching idiots in Kentucky or where the fuck ever who have never left their hometown population 765 get big mad online about the mayor of NYC is honestly the funniest shit I’ve seen in awhile
- Every day at 6:30am I take a little 3 mile walk, and every day I walk past a house that absolutely reeks of marijuana smoke, and lemme tell you only one of us is doing life right and it sure as shit isn’t me
- I’m going to have as much empathy for Charlie Kirk getting shot as he does for innocent children who are victims of gun violence
- *as he did
- Not surviving, not thriving, some other third thing. (Spiraling)
- The Taylor Swift engagement is huge news for my community (annoying white women)
- I’ve started responding “pretty bad” when people ask how I’m doing, and that’s why I’m the most fun person at parties
- Y’all ever feel like you’re being suffocated by the heaviness of all the horrors in our nightmare world but in, like, a sexy way
- Oopsie once again accidentally built a following on a platform that doesn’t have monetization, I’m so good at the internet
- You wanna know why my content is mid, it’s because I don’t care and I don’t get paid to pretend that I do
- But thank you for joining me in the mediocrity, C students for life 👊
- The worst thing about being middle aged is realizing you’re only halfway done with this bullshit
- Men who are publicly mourning Hulk Hogan on social media should be put on a registry
- The worst people I went to HS with are very upset
- Have I ever actually used a pocket in a dress, No. But am I going to stop getting irrationally excited about a dress having pockets, also No
- Me to my friend about my new dress: “and it has pockets!!!!✨” like the damn dress came with a fuckin Ferrari or some shit
- Bad news everyone I’m hot and mean again
- So you think the US will make it to her 250th birthday or nah
- Called the liquid that first comes out of a ketchup bottle “pre-cum” and now this family barbecue is super awkward
- People who aren’t depressed right now, like, actually what the fuck
- The good news is I’ve finally weaned off all my post op pain meds so my mind is clear and I can focus on things other than myself again, and the bad news is my mind is clear and I can focus on things other than myself again
- Honestly I thought hell would have less bombs and more orgies 🤷🏼♀️
- Every day of 2025 has felt like the longest day of the year, so no Becky, I’m not excited for the solstice.
- *remembers that people love it when you take an interest in their hobbies* Soo, what’s it like being a complete dipshit?
- I would like just one morning where I read the news and don’t think “what a disappointing day to be an American”
- Always the wrong people getting assassinated
- Hi fam! To offset some of the (staggering) cost of my spine surgery I’m selling some really good items from my personal collection (designer clothes & bags, vintage pieces, fine jewelry) on Poshmark. Check it out & please @ me if you want something so I can give you a good deal❤️ posh.mk/upeZK5cGSTb
