Michelle
Bird eat worm
- Any decent person should be able to handle a taste of their own medicine
- I just laughed at a Tums commercial, they’ve still got it
- Blood moon on my bday is crazy
- The ants were right
- The ants better be right
- Forgot to bring my headphones to the gym fml
- I lied, my funny is up not my money
- Who up besides my money
- Who up yearning
- Back on my bs (looking for a husband @ the gym)
- I hate when birds fly in front of vehicles as if to test their limits and just barely avoid getting hit like mf this is not a game if you die I also die a little
- Don’t u hate when
- Meow meow
- Ryan would not pass the bird test
- Boss makes a dollar, I make a dime, that’s why I eat pie on company time
- My doctor fr said I don’t fw that homeopathic bs I’m gonna give you real medicine…
- White people don’t cover their mouths when they cough wtf
- I may eat goblin food at work but don’t be fooled, @ home I’m avoiding seed oils, eating fruit like a Greek god, and adding arugula and avocado to everything
- If you don’t take your foot off the break when the light turns green bc you’re on your phone I will try to blow you up with my mind
- Good morning, fellow perverts
- Love is in the air so I’m flirting with potential suitors in the dms again
- Reposted by Michelle[Not loaded yet]
- DOD (Dad of the Day) goes to the nice man who made me feel good and proud of myself for taking the initiative to remove/install my own windshield wipers :-)
- We’re so back (my unibrow and mustache have been removed)
- My legs are going to be jelly tomorrow, I fear
- I need someone to convince me to show up to work on Monday, I officially checked out, y’all
- I work hard but the delusions work harder
- Don’t forget guyz, happy wife = happy life
- Reposted by Michelle[Not loaded yet]
- fell victim to the Trader Joe’s flirting but I encouraged it n I loved it
- I won’t him…
- Just discovered Cava and I’m absolutely smashing this pita up like I haven’t eaten in days
- Drinking and driving is bad, that’s why I drink before I drive
- got home n felt like I got back from a date that didn’t go as I’d hoped
- If you don’t do a big stretch before you get out of bed you’re starting your day off wrong
- Nothin’ dries me up quicker than a reply guy
- So cozy in bed I might quit my job type beat
- I woke up to Cunt Orlock suckin my menstrual blood wtf
- I’m gonna start saying “we must make haste”
- You may not be able to draft on blue but you can exit the app and come back later rt lms ☝🏼🤓💯📈
- At Total Wine wishing I could stop these girlies from buying Hornitos
- natural selection 🥂🎊😝💪🏼
- I need another chef bf I wish there was an app for that give me your next best chef lover
- Current obsession is Kristen Stewart in love lies bleeding
- The Godzilla x Kong movie was so good I didn’t want it to end
- America is not free, I got stalked by an undercover cop for strolling through a nice neighborhood with only my handbag and a cigarette in hand
- Couldn’t possibly end up with a freak who thinks fireworks are fun and cool
- Reposted by Michelle[Not loaded yet]
- Feeling like a big girl bc I cancelled my d*** appt due to the fact that he’s not in love with me
