ThexyBeatht
Here for laughs, friends and general debauchery. Puppies, chocolate, sunshine and flip flops are my happy place. Vodka and margaritas FTW!
- @gluesenkampperez.house.gov Shame on you! You disgraceful human waste. You don’t represent WA people
- Happy Friday muchachos! It’s ok to put tequila in your coffee and boo people mid sentence today
- One thing about me is that I always learn from the mistakes of other people who took my advice
- In 2026 give up on your dreams of being a rapper. You’re 40 and we need more plumbers
- My ex once told me no one would want me with two kids. And I had to remind him that people actually wanted me with two kids AND a husband. He stfu real quick!
- My sense of humor is like covid. Either you get it or you don’t. Period!
- This man’s name is Jesse. But what I heard in my early morning brain was juicy. So I did call him juicy and now I need a new identity so I can restart my life in a cave somewhere
- Saw someone making dessert pasta with Nutella. And all my worst instincts have surfaced
- Told this guy he has the same name as my dog. And now he’s trying to show me his bone. So I guess it worked in a way
- Last December I was single, angry, with a fluffy belly. This December I’m also single, angry, with a fluffy belly. Consistent AF bro!
- The first born son is the male version of his mother. I don’t make the rules
- Nothing beats having a conversation with the oil change guy while “Feel like making love” is blasting on the background
- Monday motivation: No one can stop you, if you stop yourself first
- I can’t decided if I’m the kindest shitty person you’ll ever meet. Or if I’m the shittiest kind person you’ll ever meet
- Be like pubic hair and come back stronger after people try to get rid of you
- Him: I like older women Me: I watched porn in VHS
- GenX is the first generation that the parents are more fun than the kids
- Whoever made the portion size 5 needs to be sued. Everyone knows it has to be an even number
- I’m only gonna genuinely like you once. After that’s broken, you won’t get the same version of me again
- Need anyone to turn your life into chaotic hell? I have arrived
- You’re never alone when you have C-PTSD
- This made me laugh 😂
- MAGA coming to the comments to say that Clinton is in the files too
- If you’re not ready for the attitude, don’t even approach
- I’m more and more convinced that tough macho men, who have the need to show their “alfa” masculinity, are actually trying to hide their gay tendencies
- Pretty cool how maga elected the first LGBTQ president
- Never thought that Bill Clinton’s dick would end maga
